Once Upon a Time in Hollin
by TreeHugger
Summary: Sometimes the past can come back to 'haunt' us as Legolas discovers as the Company takes a rest in Hollin. COMPLETE
1. Default Chapter

Once Upon a Time in Hollin  
  
Author's Note  
  
This is a sequel to whatever I will call the rewrite of Elrond's Council, which is a sequel to "In the Hall of the Wood Elf King". Knowing that then, you know this is an AU to "An Orc in Rivendell", so forget the Council of Elrond in that one when reading this story. Thank you. You will have to allow me to stretch time here a bit! Thank you! Also I am having a bit of a struggle with writers' block on "In the Hall." so this is a little something to tide you over until that muse decides to play nice again!  
  
This is Kerttu's Plot Bunny! Or Plot Hare, as Kerttu calls it!  
  
Thoughts are in   
  
Chapter 1 - Arrival at Hollin  
  
The Company of the Ring was two weeks out of Rivendell when the weather changed. Going had been hard, the weather grey and cold, a chill wind blowing off the mountains in the east. Even Legolas was beginning to feel the cold that ate through any number of garments layered on the body, biting at fingers, noses, and Hobbit toes unmercifully. But then after a long, torturous night-march a clear, chill dawn rose. The wind switched to a more southerly direction, blowing through the ancient holly trees that crowned a low ridge, their glossy green leaves and crimson berries shining in the early sunlight.  
  
Distant mountains rose in the south, directly in their path and Pippin suppressed a sigh, glancing at Merry. He could tell that his cousin, for all his weariness, was enjoying this adventure. Many times during the last few days Pippin had thought about the sack that he had declared he would have to be tied and sent home in to keep him from following the Fellowship.  
  
" At least it would be warm," he said miserably to himself. "Warm, and it would be rather nice to be carried. My feet are hurting like never before."  
  
But Merry seemed to thrive on the hardship. His cheeks were rosy with exertion and cold, his eyes bright and cheerful. Never before was Pippin so aware of just how different he and his cousin were. While Pippin had lazed about Rivendell, listening to the Elvish songs and tales or eating to his heart's content, Merry had been with Strider and Gandalf studying maps of the lands they would have to traverse.  
  
Gandalf seemed pleased with their progress, his blue eyes twinkling merrily for the first time in days. He had agreed it was time to make camp. More beautiful words Pippin had never heard. The young Hobbit smiled, not seeing the Wizard watching him with a smile on his own lips.  
  
Gandalf wasn't the only one who was pleased. Gimli moved to stand beside Legolas. He told them of the mountains before them, three great peaks capped in snow: Baraz, Zirak, Shathur. Then he spoke of Khazad-dum, the great Dwarven kingdom that lay beneath them.  
  
"Moria. Moria," his father Gloin had declared at the Council of Elrond. "The wonder of the Northern world."  
  
The same fervent joy exhibited by the elder Dwarf now shone in Gimli's eyes.  
  
"Ah, to see Khazad-dum," he whispered as they moved into a deep protected hollow amongst stands of holly. "To see all the wonders wrought there by my kin so long ago. To stand in Durin's Hall will be the fulfillment of a dream."  
  
As the Dwarf spoke on of the wonders of his kin's 'delving and digging', as Pippin had come to think of it, the others began to make camp.  
  
Gimli spoke on at some length until soon the others weren't really listening to him, except for perhaps Merry. But Gimli wasn't truly thinking of the wonders that waited beneath the mountains. His eyes slid every so often to the Elf who was helping Sam unload the packs from Bill the pony. Perhaps the time was right. Gimli had knowledge of certain things that he knew would embarrass his companion if they were to come to light before the Company. His father had blurted it all out one night before the Company had set out. He had been highly embarrassed, fondling the long golden braid that he had carried with him for so many years. Gimli had nodded in disbelief and astonishment, but he had found it highly amusing and knew that this was a wonderful way to get through the Elf's superior attitude. Gimli smiled. Perhaps the time was right. He moved to help Frodo gather dead twigs and branches for kindling as Gandalf was allowing them a fire for the first time in many days.  
  
"I yearn to see Balin, Oin, Ori and my kin once more." Gimli continued, noting that Legolas had stiffened slightly at their names, just as the Dwarf hoped he would. "You have met them, have you not, Master Elf," he said, more a statement of fact than a question. "Balin, Ori, and Oin I mean."  
  
Legolas felt his face redden slightly.  
  
"Yes, I met them when I met your father," he answered evenly, suddenly engrossed in the contents of one of the packs. Please, Elbereth, he prayed silently. Please. Gloin cannot have told him everything!   
  
Gimli grinned knowing that at anytime he chose he could have the Elf stewing in embarrassment and humiliation.  
  
"We must speak of them sometime, Master Elf," Gimli said, stressing the word 'Master' slightly. "It has been many years since I have seen them."  
  
"And many more since I have seen them," Legolas answered, not meeting his gaze. "I hardly saw them when they were.were at Mirkwood. I am sorry, but I can think of nothing to tell you about them. It has been a long time."  
  
Gandalf raised his bushy eyebrows and turned to study the two. He smiled faintly and bent to the task of starting the fire.  
  
"I thought you Elves had long memories. I am sure there is some tale to tell," Gimli persisted, taking off his helm to allow the soft breeze to ruffle through his hair.  
  
Pippin had been studying the two as he snuck an apple from a pack. There was more going on than a discussion of Gimli's friends and kin in Moria. He knew that Legolas and Gimli didn't care for one another very much so this sudden interest that the Dwarf exhibited in the Elf was somewhat unexpected. He glanced at Frodo, who was trying to suppress a smile and his blue eyes sparkled with amusement. He noted that Merry obviously knew what was going on as well. Sam merely shook his head as he began to prepare their supper-breakfast over the small cheery fire, but the gardener's eyes also seemed to be full of laughter. Pippin frowned, knowing that there was something that he was missing.  
  
"I can't think when I am hungry," he said quietly, taking a bite from the apple.  
  
Aragorn and Boromir exchanged glances, they had no idea what was going on either, though it seemed that they and Pippin were the only ones who didn't. Boromir shook his head and dug out the plates and cups. Whatever it was he suspected they would all know soon enough. Once Gimli and Legolas got started on one another there was no stopping them. He wondered if Elves and Dwarves always behaved in the manner of these two.  
  
Gimli decided that he wouldn't say anything else for a time, let the Elf worry over it a bit. He would enjoy that as well. He moved past Legolas and seemed to stare at his hair.  
  
"You have rather pretty hair, Master Elf," he commented innocently. "Rather like spun gold. Those are Warrior Braids, aren't they?"  
  
Legolas' blue eyes widened, his cheeks flushing and he felt an overwhelming urge to touch his left braid. He had managed to mostly forget what had happened when his father had imprisoned Thorin and Company all those years ago, or so he had told himself. But seeing Gloin again had brought it all back, every detail etched perfectly in his memory.  
  
Gimli chuckled and moved to perch on a rock, laying his helm to one side.  
  
"A real breakfast at last," he said, taking his plate from Boromir. "It has been some time since we have eaten anything hot."  
  
"I have been thinking of hot things for days now," Pippin commented, taking his own plate. "Wool blankets, hot food, fire in the hearth, hot tea, hot food -"  
  
"You sounded like Bilbo just then, Pip," Merry said with a laugh as he seated himself by his cousin. "You remember how he told us about his food lists when he went on his own adventure with Thorin and Company."  
  
Aragorn turned to look at Legolas who had made a rather unusual noise for an Elf. It had sounded almost as though he were being strangled.  
  
"Legolas, are you alright?' He asked, staring at his friend in concern.  
  
"I am well, Aragorn. 'Tis nothing."  
  
Aragorn's gaze shifted to Gandalf who merely smiled at him and seated himself in the circle with the others as they awaited Sam's bacon and fried tomatoes. Only Legolas stood apart from them, stroking and patting Bill. The Ranger sighed, running a hand over his face, feeling the scratchy beard that grew there. The nigh constant bickering that existed between Legolas and Gimli was wearing and he feared that what had come before would be nothing to rival what was coming. He stifled a moan and took a seat near Boromir.  
  
As Sam dished out his food, he looked to the Elf who seemed overly concerned with stroking the pony. Bill merely wanted to eat as well, not be lavished with attention.  
  
"Master Legolas," the Hobbit called, still holding his pan over the fire. "Aren't you hungry?"  
  
Legolas straightened, watching as Bill moved away from him. He seemed to take a deep breath before he turned to face them.  
  
I will not be defeated so easily, he thought sternly. Most assuredly not by a Dwarf! He probably knows nothing about it. Gloin would be too discomfited to tell him.   
  
"I am coming, Sam." He moved gracefully across the space that separated him from the others, pointedly not looking at Gimli, who smirked happily.  
  
After everyone had eaten, which was done in complete silence except for the smacking, happy noises of the Hobbits, Merry leaned back against his pack contentedly.  
  
"Won't you give us a story, Gandalf?" he asked, stretching his feet out before him and pulling his cloak more tightly about himself. His eyes went to Frodo who shook his head, but his eyes glittered with amusement and his lips twitched into a smile. Merry grinned. "Why not tell us a tale of Bilbo's adventures? I mean we have all heard Bilbo's version of the story, but it might be amusing to hear it from another point of view."  
  
Frodo hurried to help Sam clear away the dirty plates and cups, hoping to control his laughter that threatened to spill over his lips at any second. Pippin frowned at him, seeing he and Sam exchange glances and giggles.  
  
"Is it true that Dragons breathe fire and smoke?" Merry continued, winking at his cousin. "Or just bubbles?"  
  
Legolas' head swung to the Hobbit, his eyes filled with horror. The Hobbits knew as well! He felt his lungs constrict and he couldn't breathe. He knew that Aragorn and Boromir were staring at him in confusion and concern, but he couldn't move or acknowledge them.  
  
Gandalf gazed serenely at the Elf, blue eyes twinkling. Suddenly Pippin gasped, his eyes brightening.  
  
"Oh! I can ask him now! Right, Merry? Because I still don't believe it." He turned to the Elf. "Legolas is it true -"  
  
But the Wizard hastily interrupted him, pretending that he hadn't heard Pippin's words.  
  
"I will not tell you any tales until the dishes are done and everything set in order. When I do tell you a tale it will be one of my choosing, Meriadoc Brandybuck," he answered, reaching into his voluminous grey robes and pulled out his pipe. An after breakfast smoke seemed just the thing. Then he saw the look on the Prince of Mirkwood's face and thought better of it.  
  
"Oh, bother," he muttered, tucking the pipe away once more. "This is going to grow rather tiresome indeed." 


	2. Chapter 2 - Do You Know What I Know?

Chapter 2 - Do You Know What I Know?  
  
  
  
"Why can't I ask him, Merry?"  
  
The four Hobbits were putting away the dishes a small distance away from the others, their eyes moving to glance at the Prince of Mirkwood when Pippin voiced his question. Legolas, who usually looked so serene and serious, had an odd, worried look on his fair face. He sat silently on the opposite side of the camp from Gimli. Aragorn and Boromir were speaking quietly together, their gazes occasionally darting between the smug looking Dwarf and the discomfited looking Elf. Gandalf was seated on a rock not far away, his staff propped against his knee. The Wizard was frowning slightly, bushy eyebrows knit.  
  
Merry grinned, his eyes bright with mischief.  
  
"I think you should ask him, Pip! You saw that look on his face. It's true!"  
  
"Now, Mister Merry, that would not be a nice thing to remind him of, whether it is true or not," Sam said, putting the last of the dishes away and closing the pack. "We all do things that we regret later and none of us likes to be reminded of them."  
  
Frodo smiled at Merry, blue eyes twinkling brightly. He grinned and turned to Sam.  
  
"Aren't you at least curious to hear what Legolas has to say about it, Sam?"  
  
"Well now, Mister Frodo, I ." He stared at the three others, his mouth slightly agape. Then a grin crept over his face. "I would actually. Him being an Elf and all, I bet it would make an interesting tale."  
  
"Then I can ask him?" Pippin chimed in happily.  
  
Frodo studied the younger Hobbit, uncertainty eating through him.  
  
"No, Pip. I mean Bilbo didn't put any of it into his book, which was rather strange. He just passes over his time in Mirkwood rather quickly. He didn't want to embarrass the Prince of Mirkwood after all. But," he grinned. "Perhaps later. It was a long time ago. I am sure it can't bother him that much any more. My goodness! Gandalf looks rather fidgety, doesn't he?"  
  
They looked now to the Wizard who would shift his position every few moments. Gandalf would reach into his robe for his pipe, glance at Legolas, and then mutter something, hand falling to his knee where his fingers drummed in a rapid cadence. Suddenly he stood and moved away from them, disappearing from view. A few minutes later the small of pipeweed drifted on the air to them and Pippin was sure he heard Gandalf sigh happily.  
  
"Do you think Gimli knows?" Merry asked, looking toward the Dwarf who leaned back against his rock looking very smug. Legolas, he noted, had wrinkled his nose and recoiled slightly at the smell of the pipe smoke.  
  
"Well, his father was there." Frodo answered with a smile, remembering the story of the Dwarf's infatuation with the Elf. "But would Gloin have told him I wonder."  
  
"I wonder if he still has Legolas' braid," Merry snickered.  
  
Pippin grinned, then turned to stare at Legolas who seemed very engrossed in his arrows. The chill sunlight glistened on the fair hair turning it to gold.  
  
"Well, he is pretty," he said finally.  
  
"Pip!" Merry gasped, punching him on the arm in astonishment.  
  
"Well, he is Merry," Pippin said rubbing his arm.  
  
"He's an Elf," Sam said, as if that explained everything.  
  
The four Hobbits gazed at Legolas who became aware of their scrutiny and raised his head to look at them. Four pairs of sparkling eyes met his own. He wondered how he could manage to escape them without looking like he was fleeing.  
  
Gimli stood and stretched; leather creaking, chain mail clinking. He moved somewhat closer to the Elf, not so close that he would scare him away, but close enough. Then he began to sing.  
  
"Fair as a rose in May, Elven maiden with hair of gold; Crowned with flowers bright as day. You've touched my heart once stony and cold."  
  
As Gimli sang Legolas felt his face redden with dismay.  
  
Ai! Fair as a rose in May, he thought frantically. Will he never stop?! He felt his lungs constrict.  
  
"Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out," he whispered.  
  
"Fair as a rose in May, With eyes bluer than the sky Shining in a face so bright and fair My heart leapt with joy, I thought I would die.  
  
Fair as a rose in May, Skin fairer than the stars and sun White as cream, pink as rose petals In my heart you are crowned, the only one."  
  
"I didn't know you could compose songs, Gimli," Aragorn said, smiling at the Dwarf after he had finished singing.  
  
"I didn't compose that one. My father did. Do you like it?"  
  
"Breathe in, breathe out." The fair skin was flushed, blue eyes wide and staring.  
  
Boromir stared at the Elf feeling very perplexed. What was he saying? He shook his head and turned to Gimli.  
  
"Your father wrote a song about an Elf maiden? I didn't think you Dwarves liked Elves." He frowned, gazing from the Elf to the Dwarf. Truly I don't understand them. I don't think I ever will, he thought.  
  
"Oh, we have our differences," Gimli answered with a smile and a glance at Legolas.  
  
"Breathe in, breathe out. At least Elves know the difference between males and females," he growled under his breath.  
  
"Did you say something, Legolas?" Aragorn asked. When the prince shook his head the Ranger turned back to the Dwarf "Boromir is right, Gimli. I have never heard of a Dwarf composing a love song, of all things, for an Elf - maiden or otherwise." Aragorn said, genuinely surprised by the song written by the old white bearded Dwarf of Erebor. It seemed that there were a few things that he didn't know about Dwarves.  
  
"Otherwise indeed," Gimli chuckled. "Nay, Aragorn. 'Tis probably the only Dwarf song that sings of love for an Elf."maiden"."  
  
"Gloin made a song about it!" Merry crowed as he moved hurriedly to sit near the Dwarf whom he now saw as a partner in their jesting with Legolas. "He must have been quite smitten with."her"." He grinned at the Elf who had turned to face the opposite direction, his gaze on the holly trees.  
  
"Breathe in, breathe out. Thank you so much, Bilbo. Breathe in, breathe out."  
  
The other three Hobbits settled down near the cheery fire, smiling, though Sam did spare a sympathetic glance for the Elf.  
  
"Why don't you tell us the story, Gimli?" Merry asked, pulling his cloak about him as he made himself more comfortable. "Since Gandalf has gone off to have a smoke of pipeweed."  
  
"Breathe in, breathe out."  
  
"Merry!" Pippin exclaimed with a scowl. "I was going to ask Legolas about it. Remember?"  
  
Aragorn and Boromir stared at one another.  
  
"Legolas?" Aragorn turned and looked at the Elf who still sat with his back to them. "You know about this, too, Legolas?"  
  
"Breathe in, breathe out."  
  
"Oh, I am sure Master Legolas cannot tell that tale," Gimli said. "Perhaps some of the Halflings' leaf will loosen his tongue."  
  
Legolas' eyes widened.  
  
"Don't breathe in! Ai, Valar! Don't breathe in!"  
  
"I understand this not at all," Boromir muttered running a hand through his hair.  
  
"I don't either and it is getting rather irritating," Aragorn agreed. "Legolas why don't you join us? You are being rather unsocial. What do you know of this tale that is fast becoming tiresome." He shot a glance at Gimli.  
  
"I.I am busy, Aragorn."  
  
"Busy with what?"  
  
"My.arrows."  
  
Once again the Men stared at one another in exasperation.  
  
"Perhaps this song will help you to recall, Master Elf." Gimli said politely with a grin at Merry. "I believe you Elves call it the Barrel Song."  
  
As Gimli's deep, gruff, not unpleasant voice filled the air Aragorn smiled, and began to sing it as well.  
  
"That is a Wood Elf song, isn't Legolas?" The Ranger asked, laughing as they ended the rollicking tune. "I believe I have heard it sung in Mirkwood when I was there."  
  
Boromir stared at all of his companions as though he felt they were all slightly mad.  
  
"Does that mean that your father's Elf maiden is from Mirkwood?" He asked, hoping that he was beginning to piece this puzzle together. He truly hoped they weren't all mad. "Perhaps that is why Legolas knows it."  
  
"Well, yes.you could say that." Gimli answered with a glance at the Elf. He felt as though he could burst out laughing and wished fervently that Legolas would turn about so he could see his face.  
  
"Legolas, why didn't you tell me that a Dwarf fell in love with one of Mirkwood's fairest? I am surprised that you didn't." Aragorn asked, laughing. "Do I know the maiden in question? I wonder what she looks like to have captured a Dwarf's heart! She must be fair indeed!"  
  
The Hobbits were all stifling giggles, rather unsuccessfully, when Pippin managed to speak up.  
  
"She was all in sparkly green!" He exclaimed loudly. "Right, Merry? It was sparkly green?"  
  
"Yes, Pip." Merry agreed with a wicked grin at Legolas. "Sparkly green .with bubbles!"  
  
"Ai, Valar." Legolas breathed. "This cannot be happening."  
  
"Bubbles?" Boromir asked. "Bubbles!" He wasn't entirely certain if he liked the picture that came into his head. Or perhaps he did.  
  
"Yes!" Pippin turned to the man. "You should see the Bubble Pipe! It looks like a Dragon!"  
  
"Bubble pipe." Aragorn's dark brows knit and he turned to look suspiciously at Legolas. Surely it couldn't be! "The maiden had a bubble pipe that looked like a dragon? Legolas, didn't you -""  
  
Gimli nearly lost his control when he saw the Elf turn suddenly toward them, his face flushed with embarrassment. But the look in his eyes killed the words in Aragorn's throat.  
  
"Aye."she" had a bubble pipe. "She" put on quite a performance for my father. "She" even sang a song with him. He was quite taken with the "princess"."  
  
"Princess?" Aragorn frowned. "You mean Laerlend? Legolas' younger sister?"  
  
"Oh, no, Master Ranger." Gimli assured him staring openly at Legolas. "Her name was not Laerlend."  
  
Legolas ground his teeth together, one fist clenching in anger, blue eyes narrowed and fixed on the Dwarf.  
  
"Gimli," Aragorn repeated shaking his head. "There are no princesses in Mirkwood other than Laerlend. Thranduil's other children are sons."  
  
"I know that, Aragorn. Perhaps you should ask Legolas to tell the entire tale. He was there after all."  
  
Everyone's eyes moved to Mirkwood's youngest prince. The feral growl died in his throat as he met their inquiring gazes. He stared at them unable to look away. Dismay filled him. Why did he feel an attack of Brethilitis coming on now! Couldn't it wait until he had killed the Dwarf!  
  
But just then Gandalf reappeared, humming happily. He looked around at his companions.  
  
"Did I miss something?" He asked innocently.  
  
  
  
Response to Reviewers  
  
shirebound - Thank you for reviewing! It means a lot to me when such a great writer as yourself reviews my silly stories!!  
  
SilverStarlightAngel - The Men are definitely still in the dark, though the Ranger is suspicious. I am glad that you like In The Hall.too. He is being humiliated and it isn't done yet!  
  
Luthien - I am glad you find this new romp interesting and I sincerely hope it will be good. I hope my writer's block goes away soon, too. It is driving me a little insane! (  
  
Nancing Elf - Mae Govannen to you, nin mellon and to Gwibess Jr. This will be lots of fun I hope. Strange how we like to discomfit the Elf, isn't it! Poor thing! But it is oh, so much fun!  
  
hildestohl - Well, this muse seems to be rather cooperative so far, but my other one is probably going to be for sale very soon! (glares at the In the Hall.muse) I hope it will start speaking to me again soon though. Very soon!  
  
Rings of the cosmos - Twould seem that Aragorn and Boromir will know soon. Spiders, hmmm. I expect they will find that hard to believe, too!  
  
Gabrielle Lawson - Don't worry. All will end well. We all need to learn to laugh at ourselves at times and Legolas needs to learn that, too. As for revenge.you are so wicked! Gimli isn't playing very nice, is he! So revenge sounds good to me! (  
  
Lady M - Legolas is taking himself serious right now. They are on a very important quest you recall. (Laughs) Don't worry he will be himself again. Sometimes it is hard to be embarrassed in front of people you haven't known very long!  
  
flame - Everyone (myself included) says poor Legolas! Then we immediately want to embarrass him some more and find it fun! Aren't we just too wicked!!!  
  
annakas - You, nin mellon, are jumping ahead with the Warrior Braid. It still has a part to play, don't worry. As for the Council scene, I will rewrite it entirely and go back and chance it in An Orc in Rivendell as well. Twice the fun!  
  
Shini-hime - Once should be enough, but in my own experience some things just never quite go away! And well you know how Gimli would take advantage of what he knows!  
  
JastaElf - I hope this lives up to your expectations! I don't want another 20 + chapter story so it won't drag on too long! Gimli does indeed have a powerful weapon, but as you pointed out (and I had thought of that, too! Heehee) Gloin should be quite embarrassed, too. But that is only part of the story!!  
  
Gelise - I am glad that you have enjoyed In the Hall so much! Thank you for taking the time to review this one! And thank you for complimenting my timing and keeping the characters in character. At least thus far!  
  
NiennaVala - I hope it will stay great! And watch for the Council of Elrond rewrite sequel as well. I hope to start it if my muse for Hall.continues to ignore me!  
  
Karina - I am sure you did hear him say "Where are Brethil and Tavor when I need them???!" Isn't it strange how we pretend to be so engrossed in things when we are trying to ignore what is going on around us! Bill certainly found that out! I liked the line about the Dragon breathing smoke and fire.and bubbles myself! And I can hear Merry saying it! Do not worry, no one, even Gimli is without some past embarrassing moment. And I am sure that someone knows about it!  
  
The Sadistic Cow - Seems that Boromir and Aragorn will find out soon. Poor Elf! How embarrassing. Maybe he will just say "NO!" the next time!  
  
angaloth - I see you liked my Dragons, smoke, fire, and bubbles line, too! My muse was very inspired when that one came out! Thank you for finding it funny!! 


	3. Chapter 3 - Souvenirs of the Past

Chapter 3 - Souvenirs of the Past  
  
  
  
Everyone turned to stare at the Wizard who had a contented look on his face. He in turn let his gaze fall on his eight companions. And Bill who was very unconcerned with the whole thing.  
  
"Oh, dear," he said as his eyes rested on Legolas. "Another attack of Brethilitis?"  
  
"Brethil-whatis?" Aragorn asked, his concerned gaze turning from Legolas to Gandalf. This day was becoming quite strange. The Ranger had lived among Elves since his earliest days and he had never heard of Brethil -whatis. "Legolas, are you well?" He stood, ready to move to the packs and fetch his herbs. He had thought the Elf was merely upset by the Dwarf's taunts and the Hobbits' teasing. He hadn't realized that he was ill!  
  
"He will be fine, Aragorn. Don't you remember what I told you to do, Legolas?" The Wizard came to stand beside him, smiling gently down at him, laying a warm hand on his tense shoulder. "Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out."  
  
Boromir's face lightened in sudden understanding.  
  
"So that is what he was saying. Breathe in, breathe out." He grinned at Aragorn and nodded. "That is what he was saying."  
  
The dark haired Heir of Isildur stared down at him, one eyebrow cocked quizzically.  
  
"I mean," Boromir continued, feeling that he was being the mad man now. "I .I couldn't understand what Legolas was muttering earlier and.uh." His voice trailed off and he shrugged, looking away. "Never mind."  
  
"Brethil - whatis? What is that, Gandalf?" Frodo asked, wondering if their Elf friend was indeed not well. He felt badly about teasing him now. What if he was ill? He didn't think Elves could get ill. But Brethil-whatis sounded quite serious.  
  
"Do not worry yourselves," Gandalf reassured them, watching Legolas' carefully measured breaths. "'Tis nothing. Though," he grinned and patted Legolas' shoulder before moving to take lean on a rock not far away. "It can be quite contagious. Can't it, Legolas?"  
  
Legolas turned to look at the Wizard who smiled at him and winked. The Elf felt a small smile tugging at his lips. Yes, it could be quite contagious, as smiles were.  
  
"Thank you, Gandalf," he murmured quietly, feeling the tightness in his chest dissipating. He drew a deep breath then exhaled softly. He was feeling better. He would not let the Dwarf get to him again. Did it really matter if they knew what had happen so long ago in the Hall of the Wood Elf King? His smile slipped a little. Yes, actually it did matter somewhat. He turned to glare at Gimli, who shrugged and smirked at him.  
  
The time would present itself later perhaps. Dwarves were very patient. He would just relax for a time. He grinned. What better way to relax than a good smoke of pipeweed!  
  
He stood and moved past the Elf to where the packs were piled, he rummaged in his pack digging out his own pipe and pack of pipeweed, flint and tinder.  
  
"You Hobbits!" He called gleefully. "Do you want your pipes? I have some particularly good leaf from Gondor."  
  
Merry and Pippin readily agreed and hopped up to find their pipes, each glancing at Legolas as they passed him.  
  
"Pipeweed is better after food," Pippin said with a grin.  
  
Soon the air of the small hollow was filled with the fragrant scent of smoke that drifted from the three pipes, Sam and Frodo feeling it somewhat inappropriate to smoke so blatantly in front of Legolas just now.  
  
The Elf was holding his breath, refusing to get up and leave, which would give too much satisfaction to the Dwarf. He had tried to breath through his mouth though the smoke seemed to drift everywhere. He could feel the smoke tickling at his throat, and he feared that he would begin to cough. He swallowed several times, moving his hand over his mouth and nose as unobtrusively as possible. That helped somewhat. But then he felt his throat closing and he tried to swallow a cough, but only succeeded in sounding as though he were choking  
  
"Is there something wrong, Master Elf?" Gimli called stretching about to look at Legolas who had begun to cough in earnest.  
  
"I am going into the open air, to see what the wind and the sky are doing," he managed to choke with a quick glare at the smokers.  
  
"Don't go too far, Legolas." Gandalf cautioned, his eyes closed, hat pulled down over his eyes.  
  
"You really shouldn't have done that." Sam said to Merry and Pippin who were giggling. "It was rude of you to smoke in front of him now. Knowing what you do. You see he can't take it!"  
  
"Don't worry, Master Hobbit." Gimli assured him taking a long draw on the pipe, listening with satisfaction to the sound of the coughs dying away from the other side of the holly trees. "The Elf just doesn't appreciate good leaf when he smells it."  
  
"Or perhaps he appreciates it too much," Merry said with a grin.  
  
"You will tell us the story though, won't you, Gimli?" Pippin asked after blowing a fine smoke ring into the air. He glanced over his shoulder to see if Gandalf had observed it. The Wizard had tipped back the brim of his hat and winked at the young Hobbit, though his gaze then moved in the direction that Legolas had gone. He shook his head. Pippin grinned and turned to the others. "I was going to ask Legolas, but Frodo said we should wait."  
  
"I will be glad to tell you. It will make you see the Elf in a whole new light. But I will wait until we are all here. I am sure that Legolas will want to know what my father had to say about his visit to Mirkwood. And about the Elven "princess"."  
  
Boromir frowned as he listened to the exchange. There were things that just didn't make any sense. He sat pondering what had been said since they had reached Hollin. Suddenly he turned to the Ranger.  
  
"Aragorn?"  
  
"Yes, Boromir?" The man was leaning against the rock, his eyes closed like Gandalf's.  
  
"Have you been listening to them?"  
  
"It has been rather hard not to."  
  
The Man of Gondor looked back to where Gimli and the Hobbits were seated by the cheerful little fire, their heads bent together whispering to one another. Rather Gimli, Merry, and Pippin were whispering and giggling, mostly of the giggles were Pippin's. Frodo and Sam didn't seem so certain about the conversation being held.  
  
"I have been thinking," Boromir said. "I know this sounds ridiculous but.uh.. it sounds as if.well, you will think I am crazy, but -"  
  
"What are you trying to say, Boromir?" Aragorn asked, cracking an eye open.  
  
"All this talk about a.a princess of Mirkwood and pipeweed, well.uh.it couldn't be.Legolas.I mean that he is -"  
  
"That Legolas what? Your conjecture is taking as long as the telling - or not telling - of this tale."  
  
"Well, you don't think that they maybe mistook Legolas for a princess? I mean they did mention sparkling green and.uh..bubbles." Boromir's eyes glazed slightly as an Elven princess wearing a sparkling green gown and bubbles filled his mind once more. "Do you?" He finished quietly shaking his head to free it of the unwanted - almost unwanted - image.  
  
Aragorn grinned and turned his head to look at the Heir to the Stewardship of Gondor.  
  
"Don't be silly, Boromir," he chuckled. "Do you honestly think the Dwarves would mistake an Elven warrior for a princess?"  
  
Boromir hesitated recalling his image of the "princess" and then thought of the warrior Legolas. He tilted his head to one side, frowning.  
  
"No," he said after a moment. "But.perhaps."  
  
Aragorn frowned over at him.  
  
"Never mind." Boromir muttered and looked away from the piercing gaze of the Ranger.  
  
  
  
After the pipe smoke had cleared Legolas returned his eyes sliding to where Gimli sat with the Hobbits.  
  
"Ah, Master Elf. How were the wind and the sun?" The Dwarf asked, winking at Merry and Pippin.  
  
Legolas ignored him and moved to sit on the rocky ground a few feet from Aragorn and Boromir. Gandalf appeared to be sleeping, soft noises that could only be snores emitted from his lips.  
  
The air was chill and still and the Hobbits and the Dwarf were strangely quiet. Aragorn had his eyes closed once more and Boromir was sharpening his dagger. Legolas was about to get up and check on Bill when Pippin's face reddened with excitement and he burst out in a loud voice and said,  
  
"Legolas! Did you really wear flowers in your hair with your green dress, and dress in pink to hunt the Dwarves, and smoke pipe weed, and blow bubbles for the Dwarves on your Dragon bubble pipe, and sing a duet of the Barrel Song with Gloin?" The young Hobbit turned to Gimli. "I didn't forget anything, did I? Oh! Yes, I did almost forget! Did you cut off your Warrior braid and give it to Gloin and call him a sweet thing?"  
  
Legolas turned to stare at him in horror. He growled low in his throat and reached for his bow when he felt Aragorn's hand on his.  
  
"Nay, Legolas. Don't do anything you will regret later."  
  
Gimli burst out laughing at this, as did the Hobbits, Frodo and Sam unable to stop themselves.  
  
"Don't do anything he will regret later!" Gimli chortled. "Did you hear that Hobbits? Don't do anything he will regret later! Where were you when he needed you all those years ago, Aragorn?"  
  
Aragorn glared at the Dwarf and the Hobbits.  
  
"That is enough, Gimli. I don't know what all of this is about, but I intend to find out right now. Nay, Legolas. Boromir come sit with him and don't let him do anything foolish."  
  
"Don't let him do anything foolish!" Gimli rolled on the ground laughing helplessly. "You are too late, Aragorn. Much too late."  
  
Boromir barely had time to grab the Elf's arm as he tried to leap at the Dwarf, teeth bared in a snarl of rage.  
  
"Sit up, Gimli and tell your tale. I will not have this hanging over us during our journey. Whatever it is I cannot see why it is causing you so much amusement and him so much discomfort." Aragorn moved to sit on the other side of the Elf, who turned angry, hurt eyes to the Ranger.  
  
"Please, Aragorn. Don't let him -"  
  
"Everyone but Boromir and I already know this tale, Legolas. And I will not have our lives endangered by the you two over something that I am sure is trivial."  
  
Legolas face reddened and he turned away. Pouting was the word that crept into Boromir's mind. He looked over Legolas at Aragorn and shrugged. Aragorn sighed wearily and shook his head.  
  
"If it had happened to you, you would not think it trivial." Legolas muttered.  
  
"Well, Gimli, are you going to begin or not?"  
  
"Oh, yes. I will be glad to begin. But first let me show you something. Just in case someone tries to say that I am not being entirely truthful." He reached into his tunic and drew out a square of pink silk. He carefully unwrapped it and drew forth a shining gold braid. "Do you recognize this, Master Elf?" He asked with a smirk holding it up so the sunlight caught and glistened in the silken strands.  
  
Legolas looked over at him, his blue eyes hard as blue diamonds. But then he gasped and flushed.  
  
"It is a Warrior braid, is it not?" Gimli persisted. "My father," he said, turning to Boromir and Aragorn. "Received this token from the hand of the fair Elven Maid..her name was Legolas the Sparkly Green."  
  
Both men turned from the Dwarf to confront Legolas who had turned an unbelievable shade of red. They waited for him to deny this, but they could hear him muttering under his breath.  
  
"Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out."  
  
"Ha!" Boromir exclaimed with a triumphant grin. "I told you!"  
  
  
  
Response to Reviewers  
  
Estriel - Sorry I missed your review for Chapter 1 last time. I think it came up right after I posted Chapter 2. I will try not to leave you guys in suspense for too long.  
  
Lady M - Do not worry the serious Elf still has a chance to lighten up. Perhaps.G Give him a chance. To quote Oscar Wilde - Life is too short to be taken seriously. Only too true!  
  
Rings of the cosmos - Next chapter we will see how hard they will laugh! We shall see exactly who will be laughing at chapter's end as well! Or next chapter. Haven't decided yet!  
  
angaloth - You are the first reviewer to mention the "Breathe in, breathe out." I am glad it tickled everyone. I wasn't sure if I even thought it was that funny until he got to the "Don't breathe in" part! Guess it was better than I thought!  
  
Lakergurl3 - Right now Legolas wants to shoot Gimli, too! It is a bit extreme, but perhaps understandable. Do not fear, I have things under control! I think. G The attack of Brethilitis might reappear as well. I am not sure. It could be great fun! Kudos for the message: SMOKING IS STUPID!!! DON'T DO IT! JUST SAY NAY! G  
  
The Sadistic Cow - Legolas does have some explaining to do or at least tell his side of this story. Gandalf was being rather vague, wasn't he? G I see you liked the breathing exercises, too! Kewl!  
  
Elvensong - Well, Elvensong, perhaps a grand case of Brethilitis is due before this story is finished. They would then hear everything, wouldn't they!! That would be quite funny since none of them has ever seen an Elf stricken with Brethilitis before!  
  
Luthien - His beautifully pointed ears will be burning fiercely, won't they!! G Poor dear! Heh heh!  
  
hildestohl - There are a couple of chapters left I think if I can stretch it out. As you saw, my muse started talking again and I am due for yet another chapter writing for In the Hall tomorrow! Glad you liked my pick for Thranduil! Love that Elf!  
  
Anonymous - Another vote for Brethilitis! Then one shall most definitely have to come upon the poor Prince. Watch for another In the Hall installment. It is next on my list of stories chapters. I am glad you liked that not so good song "Fair as a Rose in May". I can't write poetry any more it seems! How embarrassing! Maybe in another life!  
  
shirebound - This story isn't over yet. Nearly so, but not quite. I am glad you find it delightful. Lovely word that!  
  
annakas - Poor Legolas has got to be the most popular phrase on ff.net! Do not worry. Not all will be bad!  
  
t - I did rather disappear, didn't I! Sorry, uncooperative muses are the worst. But I think the situation is well in hand now! I will try to juggle my three fics efficiently! Glad you like this one!  
  
JMac - Another Lego tormentor! There are so many of us out here!! G I am glad you are enjoying both of my funny fics! I love it when you guys laugh!  
  
alli - Yes, you do need to remember to "breathe in, breathe out". Even Gandalf says so! He is rather pretty, but truly those Dwarves must need their eyes checked! G Kudos to you for the message: JUST SAY NO, LEGOLAS! I think he has learned that one! As you see the vision in Boromir's head hasn't left yet! Yours probably hasn't either! Naughty thing!  
  
Nancing Elf - I am glad that you enjoyed that last chapter so much! That makes my day! Watch for the return of the dreaded Brethilitis. I am not done with that malady yet in this story! I am glad that Gwibess Jr. was there to revive you with Lego's pheromones! Copyright Celeborn and all!! G  
  
None - Hi! I am glad that you are laughing! Poor Legolas indeed! G  
  
Bronwyn - I am thrilled that you are enjoying my silly stories! The breathing exercises turned out to be much funnier than I had envisioned them! Boromir maybe clueless, but he is rather astute, don't you agree??  
  
Irena - I don't think that I torment him as much as you do, it is just a different kind of torment. I know mine will end well, as for yours..uh..well, you are Irena after all!! (shudders in contemplation) I will have to "breathe in, breathe out" I suspect when yours comes to an end to calm myself down! Brethilitis is a great word and it will come into play yet again ere this is done! Your compliments are too sweet! But I want to be YOU when I grow up!  
  
() - I am glad you are finding this to be a good story! I hope it will continue to be a good story!  
  
Lady V - Wow! You think this is better than my other one! Thanks! And thank you for taking a chance with my rather weird sense of humor! I am honored! This is Legolas torture of a different sort! G We just can't seem to play nice with that Elf! Do we want to?? (  
  
Karina - Looks like your review had a case of Brethilitis, my Most Excellent Friend! G Love it! He was definitely steamed and glaring daggers there, still is at times! As you see Gimli does indeed have it. It will play a bigger part a little later, too! Do you really think that Gandalf is totally in the dark?? Didn't think so! He does know everything. And I do mean everything. Chew on that one for a while! Hee hee!  
  
Tamsin FlameArrow - I hope you had fun at summer camp even if you couldn't use the internet! I am glad this was worth the long wait! Brethilitis will reappear in grand form never fear! Tell your kid sister that I said "Mae Govannen!" and that I am glad that she likes my silly stuff, too! Shrieking children do drive their parents crazy! Keep it up!! G  
  
Kookaburra - Lots of rolling on the floor laughing for that last chapter! Wonderful! I love it!  
  
Dawn Treader - As amusing as the prequel?? WooHoo (copyright Celeborn)!!!!! G  
  
JastaElf - Seems like some of you pictured the steam coming out of his cute little Elf ears! Do not worry! The twitting will come soon. Did you really think Gimli could get out of this unscathed! He won't! As the braid is now in play, Legolas doesn't have to worry about it any more! No Orcs in this one. Sorry! Lots of fun phrases here. Glad you like them!  
  
Shannara Harper - Very cool name!! I hope you haven't died of apoplexy before this one came up! Please don't be dead! "Breathe in, breathe out! Breathe in, breathe out!"  
  
Blueberry Pancakes - It is way too much fun to torture him! What kind of people are we??!! G You gotta love it!  
  
Kerttu - Didn't I warn you not to read my other fics! Esp. not that particular one! Well, you didn't listen, but I see you now understand the change. 'nuff said! I don't apologize for it any more! No physical torture in these, never fear. G Been there, done that! Nightly ritual sounds good! Thank you for this Plot Hare of Grand Size and Fun!  
  
Elhwesta - "Breathe in, breathe out!" Don't go into convulsions! Please! G I am happy you liked it so much! I will update as oft as I can! And you wrote to me in Elvish! Love you!  
  
Noone - Poor Legolas! Our favorite phrase! I wonder what Tolkien would have thought about us crazy Fan fic writers and what we do to our favorite characters? I probably don't want to know! G And yes, I can be evil! 17 exclamation points! WooHoo! (copyright Celeborn)  
  
Galena - Cringe and Laugh - my middle names! G Your magic cape sounds very cool! I don't think you were weird, just normal.granted my version of normal is not.normal! G JK Very cool indeed! I had a blanket that I slept with for 13 years! Did I just say that! Heh heh! Yep. It's true. We all have little things that helped us survive the Bogey Man, Monsters and various terrors of childhood. That's what makes us human.or Elf as the case may be!  
  
Lirenel - Glad it was worth the wait! Aragorn and Boromir are clueless, but not for long! Boromir, as you saw is not quite as clueless as he was! Smart guy!! G  
  
Gelise - Luck and salted peanuts! I do need them!! Thanks so much! I feel sorry for Legolas, too. Poor Legolas! G But it is sooo fun, isn't it!! Tell your friend I am happy that she's enjoying it too!  
  
Puterpatty - Another Poor Legolas! And you counted them all in the Chapter 1 reviews??!! Whoa! Someone should count all of them in FF.net! As of right now that phrase is Copyright TreeHugger!! I should get rich now! Haha! Hobbits are definitely mischievious, especially two of them. Poor Legolas! (copyright TreeHugger) I rock and am amazing??!! WooHoo! (copyright Celeborn) I think I will go faint now! 


	4. Chapter 4 - Bubbles

Chapter 4 - Bubbles  
  
Thoughts in ~ since my italics don't transfer from Word to Ff.net.  
  
  
  
"Um, Legolas?" Aragorn said after a moment. He stared down at his friend, his brows knit. "Is there anything you want to say before he continues?" Surely, the Dwarf was making this up. But then why was Legolas so red and muttering "Breathe in, breathe out"? "Gimli, if you are making this up just to anger him, I'll -"  
  
"I don't need to make anything up, Aragorn. I couldn't have come up with a better tale than this one. It is entirely true." The Dwarf laughed, thoroughly enjoying the look on the Elf's face. "Just ask the Hobbits. They know all about it."  
  
Merry and Pippin were nodding vigorously, but the Ranger looked to Frodo. Bilbo's young heir gazed up at him before nodding somewhat reluctantly and shrugging, the look in his blue eyes torn between feeling very sorry for Legolas and wanting to laugh out loud. He remembered the first time Bilbo had told him the story, so many years ago, not long after his parents had died. He had thought that his cousin had just made it up to amuse him and make him forget his troubles, but Bilbo had sworn that it was true.  
  
"Of course it is not in my book, Frodo lad. I wouldn't wish to embarrass old Legolas now, would I?"  
  
~Well, ~ Frodo thought sparing a sympathetic glance at the Mirkwood Elf. ~ He looks embarrassed now. ~  
  
"Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. I will not let him distress me. Breathe in, breathe out. I won't! He is just a stupid Dwarf and he knows nothing. Or he knows everything! Valar! Breathe in, breathe out!"  
  
Boromir was staring at the muttering Elf and shook his head. He glanced up at Aragorn and grinned.  
  
"I told you, didn't I? It made perfect sense." He looked to Gimli and the Hobbits. "An Elven Warrior in sparkly green and bubbles! I knew it! I -" He saw them all staring at him with perplexed looks on their faces. Then the troubling image resurfaced. His eyes strayed to the Elf. "Never mind."  
  
Legolas turned his head to stare at the man a look of distress on his face. Boromir looked uncomfortable and embarrassed before turning away with another muttered "Never mind".  
  
"'Tis quite a beautiful thing, isn't it?" Gimli asked holding up the spun gold braid. "It was my father's most prized possession."  
  
Aragorn frowned.  
  
"Gimli, this is not only embarrassing Legolas, but wouldn't it distress your father if you told this for us all to know? I mean, he must have been rather - er - upset when he discovered that Legolas was not - .well - I think you understand me."  
  
Gimli grinned, fondling the golden hair.  
  
"Oh, yes. He was embarrassed when he found out. At last. Though he was very angry as well. After all he had been deceived all these years."  
  
"Deceived!?" Legolas began to start to his feet, but Boromir grabbed his arm and pulled him back down. "I did not deceive him! He was told many times, by many people that I was not an Elven maiden with hair of gold! He-" The words caught in his throat, his face flaming once more as all eyes turned to him. "Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out." Brethilitis had nearly caught him! He covered his eyes with one slender hand and shook his head, his fingers traveling to wrap about his left Warrior braid. "Breathe in, breathe out."  
  
Gimli grinned and began his tale. Everyone but Legolas was listening intently as he told them about the long trek that Thorin and Company had made through Mirkwood. He told of the boat on the rushing water.  
  
"They STOLE our boat!" Legolas muttered. "That is what started it all. It was entirely their fault! If they hadn't stolen the boat none of it would have happened. Stupid Dwarves couldn't even - " He looked up suddenly aware that he had been speaking aloud. He stared at them with his mouth hanging open.  
  
"Breathe in, Legolas," Aragorn said. "Breathe out."  
  
"Very strange place that forest of yours, Master Elf," Gimli continued. "Very strange and eerie. Have you ever been to Mirkwood, Boromir?"  
  
The man from Gondor started.  
  
"What? No. I haven't." The image of Elves dressed in sparkling green clothes and bubbles filled his mind. "But I would like to. Very much."  
  
Aragorn turned to look at him. Denethor's Heir flushed and shook his head.  
  
"Never mind."  
  
"My father said that they heard singing Orcs while they were there!"  
  
"Orcs singing?" Aragorn raised one eyebrow. "Come now, Gimli. You said this was a true story."  
  
"It wasn't Orcs, Gimli." Frodo interrupted. "Bilbo said it was the Elves singing."  
  
"Orcs or Elves. What difference is there?" The Dwarf shrugged.  
  
If Aragorn had not been on the alert, sensing the tension that was building in the Elf at his side, he would not have grabbed Legolas in time and Gimli would have been dead. But as it was, the Ranger and Boromir had managed to grab the Elf, one by his tunic and one his belt. They hauled him back between them, fingers gripping tightly as the enraged prince spat Elvish at the Dwarf. Each man swung a leg over Legolas' thighs and hooked their foot around his calves. He was effectively caught.  
  
Frodo's face reddened, surprised by what the Elf was saying. He blinked rapidly and glanced sideways at Gimli who was grinning widely.  
  
"That seems like Orkish behavior to me," he commented chortling in victory. "I am sure your words aren't sweet Elvish songs either. Perhaps we should all sing the Barrel Song together."  
  
The two Men tightened their hold on the Elf, feeling muscles bunch once more.  
  
"Breathe in, breathe out," they said to the struggling prince, staring at one another across him, not able to prevent the smiles that touched their lips.  
  
"Bubbles?" Boromir said quietly to the Elf, unable to free himself from that picture in his mind. "Bubbles?"  
  
Legolas turned to stare at him, his blue eyes narrowing dangerously.  
  
"Never mind," Boromir sighed, looking away, then he smiled. "Bubbles."  
  
Legolas growled and yanked on the arm that Aragorn had pinned to one side, but the Ranger had been expecting this and held tight, shaking his head in consternation.  
  
Merry having overheard the exchange grinned suddenly, and leaned over and whispered something to Pippin. The young Hobbit laughed behind his hands, bright eyes fixed on Legolas. He nodded vigorously.  
  
Frodo and Sam were sitting side by side, huddled in their cloaks, hands stretched to the fire. Frodo's blue eyes were on the Elf.  
  
"I guess it still bothers him," he said quietly to Sam.  
  
"To think we weren't even born yet, Mister Frodo. That's a long time to be embarrassed about something."  
  
"If Gimli has his way, he will never forget it." Frodo added quietly, as the Dwarf drew a breath and began to speak again.  
  
"Have you ever been to one of the feasts in Mirkwood, Aragorn?"  
  
"Nay, Gimli, I have not," the Ranger said quietly, feeling the muscles beneath his hand and his leg tense once more. "Breathe in, breathe out, Legolas," he murmured, resisting the urge to pat the Elf on the head like a child.  
  
"Well, my father said they are quite something else. The Elves love their feasts, three in one night they had. There was singing, dancing, lots of food, and wine."  
  
"And bubbles?" Boromir asked with a snort of laughter.  
  
Legolas' head whipped toward him, one blonde braid falling over his shoulder.  
  
"There were no bubbles!" He snapped. "That was later, not at the Feasts. Mithrandir made that pipe for me to keep Silivren Hithlain Man away from me because I didn't want to be stolen in the night while I slept-" He choked off the words and stared unseeing at the Man of Gondor. "Breathe in, breathe out," he stuttered. "Breathe in, breathe out."  
  
"Silivren Hithlan Man?" Gimli asked. "What does that have to do with my story?"  
  
"Oh, didn't your father tell you, Gimli?" Pippin said. "Legolas was afraid of the dark!"  
  
"I was not afraid of the dark!" Legolas protested, leaning forward as far as his captors would let him. "It was what was in the dark!"  
  
"See?" Pippin said triumphantly. "He was afraid of the dark!"  
  
"Afraid of the dark?" The Dwarf chortled. "An Elf afraid of the dark!  
  
"I am not afraid of the dark!" Legolas repeated, straining against the hands that held him.  
  
"But you are afraid of the, uh, those words you said? They mean White, er, Fog Spirit? That is what they mean isn't it? I think that is what Bilbo said." Pippin said, looking at Merry.  
  
"So you are afraid of "fog", Master Elf?" Gimli chuckled. It seemed there was much more to this story than he knew.  
  
"I am not afraid of fog!!"  
  
Aragorn heaved a great sigh and glanced at Boromir, one brow raised.  
  
The Man of Gondor grinned over at him.  
  
"Bubbles is afraid of fog!" He laughed, his eyes moving to Legolas, who started at the name and turned to stare at the Man. Boromir raised his brows and grinned.  
  
"Bubbles?" Aragorn murmured and found himself beginning to smile until Legolas' head swung toward him. The Ranger cleared his throat and looked away, whistling slightly.  
  
Frodo glanced at Legolas, watching the Elf's heaving chest and red face, the slim hands clenched into tight fists.  
  
"Sort of like you, eh, Merry?" He interjected quickly before the Elf ruptured something. "Do you remember the tale of the Brandy Hall Monster? You swore it lived under your bed.  
  
Merry had been grinning happily at the Elf leaning contentedly against his rock arms folded across his chest, legs outstretched the ankles crossed. Suddenly he started and looked to Frodo, his cheeks even rosier than ever.  
  
"That was a long time ago, Frodo," he protested.  
  
"Yes," Frodo said slowly. "You had a magic cape, didn't you? You said it made you invisible so the monster wouldn't see you. It was all sparkly wasn't it?"  
  
Merry's mouth fell open, his eyes wide in disbelief.  
  
"Frodo!" He gasped.  
  
"I remember that cape, Merry." Pippin chimed in shifting his position on the uncomfortable rocks. "It was a very pretty sparkling one. But you were never invisible."  
  
Merry's face reddened.  
  
"I know that, Pippin! Thank you," he huffed looking away with a scowl on his face.  
  
"Really?" His cousin asked, looking genuinely perplexed. "But I thought you were thinking about packing it when we left the Shire. You know - all the monsters in the Old Forest you were afraid of too. You thought -"  
  
"Shut up, Pippin!" Merry growled, looking ready to strangle his young cousin.  
  
Frodo and Sam grinned at one another. Behind them Bill the pony snorted as though he found it amusing, too.  
  
Legolas stared at the Heir to Brandy Hall, raising one dark brow. He felt mildly vindicated. "Invisibility cape?"  
  
"At least I didn't wear flowers in my hair and prance about like a princess," Merry shot back  
  
"I DO NOT PRANCE!" Legolas gasped, his face now as red as the Hobbit's.  
  
"Bubbles the Prancing Princess," Boromir smirked and then he laughed as he restrained Legolas once more. "I wish I had seen that!"  
  
The Elf snarled and turned to glare at him, looking very much the fierce, feral warrior of Mirkwood.  
  
"Er, well," Boromir hedged. "Never mind."  
  
  
  
  
  
Author's Note - The idea for Merry's magic cape is from Galena's review of chapter 2! Thank you Galena for the inspiration! The image of the Prancing Prince is actually from alliwantisanelfforchristmas "Prettiest Prance" (c. al) Thank you, al!  
  
  
  
Response to Reviewers  
  
Anonymous - No watermelon, huh? Seedless or with the seeds? Those little black ones can be deadly if inhaled! Sorry to keep you waiting on these two fics, I am writing them as they come to me. I am glad that someone else has trouble composing poetry. I wanted something not too good (good thing since I can't do good poetry) just something apropos, so I guess it didn't matter too much. Gloin is not much of a poet. Poor Dwarf! Pippin did pretty well with his little speech, all in one breath, too! Gandalf is sympathetic and all knowing, so Legolas will not be going insane in this one.  
  
shirebound - Delightful mind pictures are such fun to write and to 'see'. It is what makes a story worth enjoying.  
  
annakas - POOOOOOOOR POOOOR LEGOLAS! (c. annakas) Hee hee! You have to love it! Pip was rather mean, but it was all in fun. He is a Hobbit after all. I don't think they could be intentionally cruel. The Elf is getting his side out in little bursts. He is trying. You are right! Legolas is the only one to have a Dwarf write a LUUUURRVE poem about him. That was sweet. Gloin is such a sweet thing! G  
  
Marie Leduc - Merci, mon ami! Unfortunately that is about the extent of my knowledge of French. Otherwise I would be glad to help you translate these silly stories! You are doing a beautiful job though! At least it looks like it! G  
  
Opal Elf - It is not the end. Not just yet. We shall see where it goes.  
  
Lakergurl13 - Pip's not being malicious, just mischievous. Yes, some of them can be nice. Poor Legolas (c. TreeHugger) throwing cookies from a distance at him! Brethilitis would be unfortunate?? ( Boromir does have some fun in this one. Gimli's day will come never fear!  
  
Shini-hime - Not too much, kay! How much is too much?? ( You should finish the little poem you started and let me use it in this! Seriously!  
  
JastaElf - Gimli, Merry, and Pippin are a deadly combination (the GiMP Brothers for short). Merry has a skeleton it seems that crept out during Pip's run of Brethilitis. It would seem they all have little secrets they would rather keep secret. "Keep it secret! Keep it safe!" Nope, not around here! Wonder what everyone else knows??  
  
al - You are a Naughty Elf! Just ask "Aragorn"! I guess he is getting used to it! ( Pipeweed is an herb, one that should be avoided by Elves at any cost. As long as you write good reviews you don't have to Pay to Say : Poor Legolas (c. TreeHugger)  
  
angaloth - You were the first! Way to go! Legolas the Sparkly Green presents to you the award for "Funny Phrase Finding"! Congrats!  
  
Pippers - Awwww! Poor Legolas! (c. TreeHugger) It is a great phrase! Use it all you like!  
  
PutterPatty - Aragorn is a sweet, caring Man, just never heard of Brethilitis. So I love your idea of the pink and sparkly green duct tape! JastaElf will want to buy some I know! It is the perfect cure! Ranger's store will be glad to stock it with Elrond's red hankies, Mithrandir's Magical Blue hankies, and of course bottled water from Morn Nen! Perfect! Someone said that we should sell baby spiders, too! We'll all get rich! G  
  
Bayleef 14 - Mental imaging is quite a lot of fun! Hysterical!! What a wonderful word! G  
  
The Sadistic Cow - Boromir is quite an enjoyable guy! I am having such fun with him! It is also too fun to torture the Elf! We are sooooooooo - - - - - dare I say "Sadistic"??!! G  
  
SilverStarAngel - Legolas' humiliation = our amusement! We are rather a mean bunch, aren't we!! Never fear I won't turn him into a blubbering mess. He is too strong for that. I am not that mean either. I don't think I am...Aragorn is being dense, but ah, yes! He is definitely hot and shaggable! Just as Al! G Lengthy chapters?? Hmmmm...Well, you can wish! I like to leave you hanging. You should know that! I know where the Bubble Pipe is, yes I do. You have a wicked imagination! G  
  
Ammunett - You fell off your chair?? That is rather funny you know!! G  
  
Lady M - Precious! Good word *gollum*. G I enjoy making Boromir funny. He can't be so serious all the time. Gandalf is there when you need him usually. Though I suspect that when he let Thorin and Company traverse Mirkwood alone the Dwarves wondered where he was when they needed him. Guess he thought they could do it without him, after all what could happen on a little walk through the woods?? G  
  
Nancing Elf - Legolas is fit to be tied?? Ahem ! Not here, that was in your story remember?? G I do! Gimli is wicked and has a real sense of timing. He knows when to whip things out!! Meaning the Warrior braid! What were you thinking??!! G Breathe in, breathe out has been used by myself on occasion lately. It helps! I think Gwibess Jr. had better braid Gimli's beard over his mouth! Good idea!  
  
Karina - Did you have to mention the Halls of Mandos??!! JK So you think Brethil would still get Brethilitis there?? Poor Tanglinna! (c. TreeHugger) That was funny. For this chapter they needed to tell dear Pippin too shut up. Or Merry would have liked them to. Gimli will get his eventually, but I don't think Legolas will strangle him. As you said "He might regret it later". G  
  
Katherine the Great's Agent - My story did what??!! I cannot have killed Katharine! Who would finish her story? This is terrible. You must talk with Mandos immediately and get her back here! I have no money either, so if you sued me all you would get are some action figures and a psychotic dog. How can you say to have a nice day and then threaten to beat me with a turnip?? Please get her out of Mandos Halls!  
  
Aria - Yes, dear: breathe in, breathe out! It is necessary! Tell N- Saturn I said "HI"! I am glad you love this fic and my other ones under the hot, humid Delaware sun! Can't you send some of your Devon rain here?? We need it in dry Delaware!  
  
Rings of the Cosmos - I won't let him die. He may just wish he could. Guess what?? There was a spider in my kitchen crawling on the floor and I actually apologized to it before I whacked it. G Crazy world!  
  
Irena - I want to be you MORE with sugar on top!! (sticks out tongue) Er, something like that. G The two stories fit together nicely I think. It is sad when we think of the original Brethilitis sufferer. But I am sure he is enjoying this too. (sniff sniff)  
  
Jessica - Dwarven women don't stand a chance against lovely Elves in sparkly clothes and flowers. I am sure Thorin and Company had never seen anything like it! No wonder they fell for her, er, him! G  
  
Sake - Cursing the spiders?? Poor spiders! What could they possibly have done to make Legolas curse them?? G  
  
Silvarn Vilya - You reviewed??!! I was shocked! Thank you so much! I hope this is a wondrous sequel. I am trying!  
  
Aurora - I am so glad you are enjoying this one. Gimli has a wicked sense of humor, but he had better watch himself! The Elf is not amused! Thank you for the Bravo!! Love it!  
  
Nadra - I must say that your review cracked me up! Or it terrified me beyond belief! I haven't decided which yet! G You could give Galadriel a run for her money! Thank you so much for your very nice compliments! Love it! Now it is my turn to have a Monty Python moment "Run Away!!" G  
  
Seaweed - Ah! It was your review that gave me the inspiration for Milui in my other fic "Bells of Silver"! I knew someone in one of my stories mentioned how good-looking Gimli was! She is an homage to your review! An Elf maiden who likes the Dwarf! Role-reversal there from In the Hall! Thank you so much!!!!  
  
amlugwen - No that wasn't the last chapter though I didn't think this story would take this many chapters to tell. Again they are running longer than I anticipated. (sigh) Oh well! I am glad that your friend knows that the "woman with the bow" is a "hot guy with a bow"! Gimbimli is cute! May I maybe use that name later?? Love it!  
  
phoenixfeather - How is your aching stomach?? Laughter is the best medicine, so they say. But too much can be painful at times, can't it! G BTW I love your definition of hilarious!!! Thank you!! (  
  
Tamsin FlameArrow - The truth will ouch! I love it! That made me laugh!! Well, the Men can't roll about at the moment as they are rather busy holding the Elf down! Dead Dwarf would not be a good thing! I love your picture of Sean B, Viggo M., and Orlando B. in costume though!  
  
EdnaTod - Three reviews one right after the other! Love it! Yes, if you did smoke pipeweed your little brother would make sure that every silly, stupid thing you did would be broadcast to the world! That is what little brother's are for! Merry and Pippin are having some fun in this, though Merry got a little uncomfortable here. Hmm. shouldn't tease so much, should he!  
  
meledhel - I will be nice to Legolas! Some day! G  
  
evi - Well, I want them alive, too. I really do! This is AU I guess. I don't like to think about the "bad thing" when I am writing these, though I admit it has crossed my mind! I am basically skirting the issue. This one is just for fun!  
  
ziggy - I too, didn't think that "Ai! Ai! A Balrog! A Balrog is come!" is very Legolas-like either. Though his look in the movie was perfect! That is the expression I saw on his face, too!!! Cool! I love your new word: balrogged! Love it!!!! Balrogged (c. ziggy) G Boromir and Aragorn were clueless, but are less so as time passes. The Hobbits are rotten little things, too! But yes,! (dreamy look) He IS so very pretty! I am thrilled that your hubby is giggling along with you! Mine has NOT read this yet, as he still insists I am not funny. (pouts) You are so right! Gwibess would make a perfect pet for Thranduil!!!!! Love it!  
  
Lady V - Thank you for being # 101! GO LADY V!!!!! G WooHoo (c. Celeborn)!! You make me dance and sing with your little secret! 70 Legolas' torture stories??!! You really do love it, don't you! This is a torture story, just of a different ilk. We are so twisted - and loving it! G  
  
Lirenel - Thank you for begging so prettily! It worked!! G 


	5. Chapter 5 Legend of the Singing Orc Pr...

Chapter 5 - Legend of the Singing Orc Princess  
  
  
  
Author's Note - This chapter is for Magma who sent me the suggestion! Needless to say I ran with it!  
  
  
  
A rather uncomfortable silence had settled over the small group in Hollin, interrupted only by Gandalf's soft snores. Merry was still scowling as he sat with his arms folded over his chest, wondering why Frodo had to mention his Magic Cape, seeing as how he hadn't seen it in many years. And Pippin! He scowled and turned to look at his young cousin.  
  
Pippin was gazing at him with hurt filled eyes.  
  
"What did I say, Merry?" He asked quietly, gently touching the other's hand with his own.  
  
Merry sighed. He could never stay angry at Pip for very long. He reached over and ruffled the younger Hobbit's curls.  
  
"Nothing, Pip. Just - just don't talk about my cape any more. Alright?"  
  
"Sure, Merry!" He smiled sweetly, very relieved.  
  
Boromir sat quietly, one hand gripping Legolas' left bicep, his right leg wrapped about the Elf's left. The man from Gondor's brow's knit as he recalled something that Gimli had said before Merry's sparkly Magic cape was mentioned: "My father said they heard singing Orcs while they were there." Perhaps if they spoke of something other than what had happened to Legolas so long ago he would calm down and they could let him go.  
  
"I have heard a legend that is told amongst the Orcs that are near Gondor," he began, feeling all heads turn toward him, except for the Wizard's and Bill's.  
  
" 'Orc' legends?" Aragorn murmured, an incredulous look on his face.  
  
"Yes!" Boromir turned to face the Ranger, his grey eyes shining. "Orcs do have legends just as we do. Or as the Elves. Or -" He glanced at Gimli. "The Dwarves. Or -"  
  
"Hobbits!" Pippin chimed in. "Like the one about the Brandy Hall Monster!"  
  
"Pippin!" Merry poked him in the ribs, scowling once again.  
  
"What? Oh! Right." Pippin frowned. "Sorry."  
  
Frodo and Sam smiled at one another, Frodo covering his mouth with his hand lest Merry see his amused grin.  
  
"You were saying, Boromir," Aragorn sighed. It was getting rather uncomfortable to be sitting on these rocks, restraining an unhappy Elf. The tension had not left the lithe body, and the man knew that if he or Boromir loosened their grip even a little Legolas would spring free and Gimli would be very sorry he had begun his teasing.  
  
"Um, yes. There was a legend amongst these Orcs -"  
  
"Excuse me, Master Boromir," Gimli interjected, leaning forward. He was not overly pleased that his story had been interrupted yet again, but he felt a certain curiosity just the same. He felt the Elf's blue eyes move to him, a snarl on the fair face. He winked at him then looked at the man. "How is it that you would know any 'Orc' legends? I thought you people of Gondor killed all the Orcs you found."  
  
"Usually we do, Gimli. As you know Gondor lies closest to the Enemy and we spend much time hunting his vile creatures. But we also spy on them in order to learn what movements the Enemy will make against us. It was on one such spying mission that my brother Faramir and I first heard the legend of the Singing Orc Princess."  
  
Faramir, of course, was quite taken by the legends the Orcs spoke of in their guttural mix of Westron and snatches of the Black Speech. He had, of course, immediately written them all down upon their return to Minas Tirith. Denethor's younger son had been fascinated that such fell beings had any myths and legends amongst their people. The one that Boromir had found most amusing and wondrous was the one Faramir had titled "Legend of the Singing Orc Princess".  
  
"It is a strange tale," he continued, hardly aware of the slight movement from Legolas when he had spoken of the Singing Orc Princess. If he had bothered to look at the Elf he would have noticed the blue eyes had widened in renewed dismay. A look of disbelief crossed the prince's fair face.  
  
~It can't be! ~ He thought, desperately. ~Nay, it cannot be! ~  
  
Aragorn had noticed even if Boromir had not. He grimaced and wondered what was coming now. How could "this" possibly upset Legolas? It was merely an Orc legend after all. He suppressed a moan and shook his head waiting with a small measure of anxiety for whatever this "legend" would bring about.  
  
"Faramir could tell this better than I, but I will do my best," Boromir said, his voice filled with the joy of the attention he had commanded. "It seems that there was a wondrous fair Singing Orc Princess that all the Orcs adored and worshipped for her beauty and her glorious voice."  
  
Gimli snorted and laughed.  
  
"I wonder what she must have looked like for Orcs to find her fair."  
  
"Everyone has different standards for beauty, Master Dwarf," Aragorn said, though he wondered himself - if indeed she was a real being and not just a figure of Orc mythology. "I understand that Dwarvish women are somewhat - uh, hairy. Yet you seem to like them that way." Suddenly he frowned. Why did this sound so familiar? Then the words he had spoken earlier danced through his mind almost mirroring what Gimli had just said: "I wonder what she looks like to have captured a Dwarf's heart. She must be fair indeed!" He grimaced slightly. Surely there was no connection between Gimli's father adoration and worship of the Elven maiden and the Singing Orc Princess. Then he remembered what Frodo had said to the comment that Gimli had made about the Dwarves hearing Orcs singing in Mirkwood: "It wasn't Orcs, Gimli. Bilbo said it was the Elves singing." ~No, ~ he thought. ~It couldn't be! ~ "Um, Boromir? What did this princess look like?" When Legolas groaned slightly, Isildur's heir knew that he shouldn't have asked. He shook his head in disbelief and drew a deep breath. "Breathe in, breathe out," he muttered more to himself than to the panicking Elf.  
  
"Tis a strange thing," Boromir said with a frown. "They described her as having long golden hair and blue eyes." He shuddered at the vision of a female Orc with golden hair and blue eyes that formed in his mind. He shook his head to free it from the grotesque image. "It seems that she was captured by evil El -er -"He glanced at the Elf by his side. The prince of Mirkwood's face was flaming once again, the blue eyes wide and he was muttering "breathe in, breathe out" once more. For some reason, Aragorn was saying it, too. Boromir scowled. His telling of the tale wasn't "that" bad! Maybe it was just because of the image of blonde haired, blue eyed Orcs that upset him. Or maybe this part of the legend was true and that was what had distressed Legolas. Faramir would certainly thank him for proving the voracity of this story. "Captured by evil Elves," he finished waiting to see what Legolas' reaction to that would be.  
  
He was not disappointed. The Elf gasped and spun toward him.  
  
"What?!"  
  
Boromir shrugged, gauging every small movement in the other's face, the tensing of the muscles in his body.  
  
"That is what they say. They also say that it was in the great haunted forest in the north." He paused, eyebrows rising as he waited for that bit of information to sink in.  
  
"Oh, no," Aragorn breathed. "Boromir I don't think -"  
  
"Mirkwood is the great haunted forest in the north, isn't it?" The man of Gondor continued. "Do you indeed have a golden haired, blue eyed Singing Orc Princess held captive there?"  
  
Frodo suddenly remembered what Bilbo had told him about Legolas and his friends recovering the jewels stolen by the spiders and the Orcs coming upon them as they laughed and sang.  
  
"Oh, no," he whispered. "I don't believe it!"  
  
"What is it, Mister Frodo?" Sam asked, seeing the distress in his friend's blue eyes.  
  
Frodo turned to look at him.  
  
"Poor Legolas," he murmured. "Do you remember what Bilbo said about the Orcs in Mirkwood while the Dwarves were there?"  
  
Sam frowned as he tried to recall that part of Bilbo's tale.  
  
"You mean with - er - what was it? The king's silver crown?"  
  
"No - I - er, well, yes. That, too."  
  
Sam's brow wrinkled as he contemplated this. Suddenly the gardener's eyes flew wide.  
  
"Poor Legolas!"  
  
"Exactly," Frodo said quietly, turning to watch for Boromir to continue his tale. He didn't know what he could say to make it any better, and plenty he might say that would only make it worse for Mirkwood's prince. "I wish Gandalf would wake up. He'd know what to do."  
  
Suddenly Gimli spoke up before Boromir could say another word.  
  
"Keeping Orcs captive too, are you, Master Elf? Your father is truly hospitable, isn't he!"  
  
"We don't have any Orc prisoners!" Legolas spat. "We never have!"  
  
"Oh? Then what does this story mean?" Gloin's son challenged. "Perhaps you are just too embarrassed by the way you treat your "guests" to admit it."  
  
"The way we treat out "guests"?! We treated your kin very well! We even let one of them bake a cake for one of the feasts! He didn't want to leave our Hall. And neither did your father!"  
  
"Yes, because of the Elven maid." Gimli felt a smirk play about his lips and eyes. Now they were back on "his" territory.  
  
Boromir and Aragorn were nearly dragged off the stones as Legolas lunged violently at the Dwarf once more.  
  
"Tis just a legend of the Orcs!" Boromir gasped, wondering how his simple tale could have evoked such feelings. He fumbled at the Elf's belt. The slender being was much stronger than he looked! "Legends are often not based on fact. I merely thought to entertain you all for a time and help Legolas forget about - er - well, all of the other things."  
  
Pippin had looked very worried as Gimli and Legolas had started in on one another once again and he had nearly jumped off the ground in fright when Legolas had nearly yanked free. But then he got a puzzled look on his face. He sat up, eyes bright.  
  
"Celeb Baudh!" He exclaimed, excitedly, feeling pleased that he had remembered the Elvish words. "The Silver Judgment! The Orcs had it! They found it near Morn Nen, didn't they?" He glanced at his cousins for conformation.  
  
Frodo looked very upset and Sam disapproving. But Merry's eyes brightened and he sat up straight as well.  
  
"You are right, Pip!" He grinned wickedly, knowing that his Magic Cape and the Brandy Hall Monster would be all but forgotten after this. "The Singing Orc Princess of Mirkwood. How did that song go?"  
  
Legolas growled at the Hobbit, his face heating with anger and renewed embarrassment. Why had Bilbo told them everything? Even that silly song the Orcs had been singing!  
  
Boromir glanced over at the Ranger who was shaking his head and still muttering: "Breathe in, breathe out" to himself.  
  
"What is - Celeb -er Bawd?" He asked. "What does it have to do with my Orcs?"  
  
"Everything!" Merry exclaimed, eyes filled delight. "It also has to do with the fair Elven maiden!"  
  
Now Gimli's head swung toward the Hobbit as well. His bushy brows knit as he tried to make the connection. And then, he did. A slow smile spread over his face, widening to a grin, and at last he erupted into peals of laughter, rolling on the ground once more.  
  
Boromir stared at him in amazement. They were all mad.  
  
"I don't understand," he muttered, running his free hand through his hair.  
  
"Don't you see?" Gimli gasped, rolling to a sitting position, his eyes fixed on Legolas. "My father sees fair Elven maidens and Orcs see the Singing Orc Princess! Ha! What do you see, Man of Gondor?"  
  
Boromir frowned and blinked several times. Slowly he turned to look at the Elf by his side. The image of an Elven "maiden" dressed in sparkly green filled his mind. And bubbles  
  
"Oh," he said quietly. "Never mind!"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Sorry that it took so long to get this one out there! I wanted to finish "In the Hall of the Wood Elf King", and I put all my energy and time toward that end! But now that it is completed I will be able to devout more to this one! Thank you for your patience!  
  
  
  
Response to Reviewers  
  
JastaElf - Excuse me?? Don't think things like what?? G I think Bubbles is a cute nickname myself. I liked Merry's magic cape, too. I think we all do foolish things when we are young - or in some cases, not so young!! Saeros definitely deserves to copyright the "fierce, feral warrior of Mirkwood"! (c. Saeros) Boromir hasn't had much experience with them yet, but he is asking to find out about them rather quickly! Gimli's is coming! Truly!  
  
annakas - Poor Legolas! (c. TreeHugger) POOOR POOOR LEGOLAS! (c. annakas) I am afraid that at this point it is not only Gimli that would be hurt if Legolas were to get free! Boromir is in trouble as are Merry and Pippin. That would not be a good thing! Aragorn and Boromir had better hold tight! At least a little longer! ^_^  
  
FifthHeir - Well, I hope you didn't die!! I hope you can finish this one before it gets way too long! Well, not THAT long!  
  
al - First, yes, he is very, very pretty! Naughty al! Sharing Boromir's mental images is not a good thing! ^_^ Second, yes, there will some more confessions. We all have secrets, don't we??!! (winks) Secrets that we want kept - er - secret!  
  
shirebound - The invisibility cape wasn't entirely original as a reviewer had mentioned having one, but it worked nicely here! And, er, after I got to thinking about it there is a certain wizard with a silvery invisibility cape! Oh, well! Now you know how I feel when I read your utterly amazing, fantastic stories! Green (yes sparkly or shimmery your choice) with envy!  
  
Amancirith Carangarien - Funniest thing you have read in a while?? WooHoo! (c. Celeborn) That makes my day! I will get these out as soon as I can! Promise!  
  
Rings of the cosmos - You should apologize first! Then you may kill it. More is coming!  
  
Irena - Don't rupture yourself. That would be too painful! Like a male Elf in labor - or a male Elf in a female body- or something along those lines! (chokes slightly at the thought!) Boromir on the other hand is asking for it!  
  
ola - Hilarious! One of my favorite words to see in a review! Sisters are good for looking at us like we are idiots! Unfortunately sometimes they are right! At least in my case!  
  
Nadra - I see that you changed from your Wraith robes into sparkly green, and a magic cape! Much nicer! I suspect that Pippin is afraid of something - yourself - no doubt - in the Wraith robes!! ~_~  
  
PuterPatty - Laughter is good at neutralizing bitchy moods. I know this myself! You do not need to spare me the details of your fantasy! I think I picked them up quite clearly. I had much fun writing that part! Obviously! Glad you enjoyed it!! G  
  
Ithilien - Don't worry about the copyrights! There are so many of them out there now! I am glad that you like my sense of justice as it were. No one likes to be humiliated alone, and once it starts it tends to balloon until everyone is caught! "Well, I remember when you did -" Yes. Perfectly fitting! No one is safe! It isn't ending when I thought it would either. This one was really going to be the short one! Look what happened! I think I need to take some "Write Short Stories" medicine!  
  
Armiida - I think the Dwarves were being dense and well, stubborn. I don't think they like to admit they are mistaken. Gimli is using this as a way to deal with a secret issue of his own that he fears will come to light. So there is a method to this madness!  
  
Lakergurl13 - Bilbo doesn't know about the spider taming?? Ah, but someone does!! ^_~ Nobody knows about Boromir?? Ah, but someone does!! ^_~ No one has any stories about Gimli?? Ah, but someone does!! ^_~ Frodo is very sweet and I like him a lot too! Everyone has secrets - maybe even Bill the pony! I don't know! Sorry! The copyright is not for sale!  
  
Aria - Greetings to you and N-Saturn! Thank you for the rain! We got several inches that we desperately needed! Is Gandalf sleeping?? Hmm! We shall see! ~_^ Brethilitis is a rather nasty ailment indeed! Ah, so you agree with Boromir's image of Silvan Elves in bubbles?? G  
  
Jessica - I think Boromir is merely suffering from a case of "I haven't been around this many strange people in my life " - itis! Though, granted, he is enjoying this too much. Aragorn is a really nice guy! Love him! So you want the Elf to come vacation at your house when all is said and done?? Sure! Just don't let him get into any trouble there!  
  
ziggy - The Balrog look is the perfect look indeed! Just as I saw him, too! Déjà vu! We have had this conversation before?? Maybe I fell into Morn Nen! Boromir is "doing a Gloin"( new phrase c. ziggy!) You do seem to want Gwibess to belong to Thranduil! I will have to really give that some thought! I hear the character voices, too, when I am writing this stuff! Too cool! I love John Rhys-Davis' voice (yes, I do have a thing for voices) and can hear his Gimli quite well! Love it! English is a great language and affords much fun! So Legolas nanced in Lorien?? G He looked quite beautiful doing it didn't he??!!  
  
mitheithel - ROFL Bubbles the Prancing Princess would make a lovely porn star name?? ROFLMAO I swear that I had not thought of it that way until now! Look what you have done to me! I just thought Bubbles was rather cute, but now - - - - -I think you must have gotten a draft of that pipe smoke and Brethilitis! But it was fun, wasn't it!  
  
Lady M - Legolas reminds you of Thrumb Dumb?? Wonder why! G I would have died of embarrassment at this point! I know it! Yes, the other Hobbits were nice to divert some of the humiliation at Merry. He deserved it!  
  
Raider314 - I am glad you find this tale extremely amusing. Yes, in the other one he did rather dress like a fairy princess! Not entirely his fault, but still -! Gimli is indeed very lucky and should feel honored to have the prince's braid. I would! Don't worry, this isn't finished yet.  
  
Anonymous - I personally like it that you say you love it almost every time! So you want a big, bad case of Brethilitis in this one?? Don't you think it might alarm the others?? That might be a good thing though, then Aragorn would have an excuse to play healer with his herbs! Gimli is in danger, though at this point so is Boromir. They both need to learn to shut up! Clamupyourmouthosis (c. Nancing Elf) is needed here! You really think Pippin is worse than Brethil?? Hmm! You are right about Boromir's opinion of Elves. It will definitely be a bit skewed. So, you are writing something?? Will you put it out there for all of us to read? Pretty please with watermelon seeds on top??^_^  
  
angaloth - Better and better! Big order! I will endeavor to do my best!  
  
Seaweed - You want to see the Elf and the Dwarf duke it out?? Well, I hadn't thought about that one! Didn't think you would want to see Gimli get hurt! ^_^ Aww, Gimli! (c. Seaweed) You do know the Elf would win, don't you?? (grins wickedly)  
  
phoenixfeather - "I DO NOT PRANCE!" Well, you asked for it! You know "fierce, feral warriors of Mirkwood (c. Saeros) don't prance! What are you insinuating?? G be careful. Pears can be deadly!  
  
None - Hi! Gimli will get his, never fear! Pay back is sweet!  
  
Nancing Elf - Well, nin mellon, I must admit that when I was writing about that "development" as you put it, I had to think of you! Brethilitis is always such a fun thing, isn't it! Gimli is having fun, let him enjoy it while he may! I am sure Gwibess would make a first rate hairdresser at this point! I'll just bet you want to hug him! Just hug?? ~_^  
  
Pasta-Head - My goodness! You are all obsessed with revenge on the poor Dwarf! What could he possibly have done to antagonize you all so much! ROFL Thank you so much for the compliment! I love fun torture! Revenge - revenge. G  
  
Opal Elf - Believe it or not Boromir has only said "never mind" six times! Where is this going?? Let us just say that I have stepped onto the road and I haven't kept my feet, so there is no knowing where I am going!!  
  
Tamsin FlameArrow - You had a lot of ouches in that last review. Are you okay?? Perhaps you need to "breathe in, breathe out"! Baiting Legolas is too much fun. He really needs to learn not to react! As if! That is something I have yet to learn myself!  
  
Lady V - Humor is a good break from horror and torture - either reading it or writing it! I suspect that is why I do it! It is my own version of "breathe in, breathe out". Very soothing! ^_^  
  
The Sadistic Cow - The rest will suffer, never fear! Boromir is EVIL?? I don't think so, just highly amused, like the rest of us! Glad you liked Bubbles the Prancing Prince - who does NOT prance! (hee hee) You shouldn't worry about when you review this. I am glad to hear what you have to say whenever you say it!  
  
Shini-hime - Thank you so much for that delightful poem. Watch for it before this fic is over! It is very fun and funny! G Love it! Merry definitely forgot the beam in his own eye. Many beams are showing up in Hollin!  
  
Vanyaer - You are so kind to me! Thank you so much for your compliments! "Never mind" seems to be Boromir's words of choice. I do like it when Legolas gets tortured in this fic, though at times I feel somewhat guilty! But I ignore that when it happens! G  
  
Karina - I think you are right about Aragorn not being able to look at Legolas without cracking up! I don't think that I would be able to help it either! ( Well, Gimli must have something Legolas can use against him. I will just have to find it!! I was very pleased that you remembered the spider spray and the goblin doll! ;) G And I thought you were in charge of the Looney House of Middle Earth!! Perhaps the Man of Gondor needs to visit you! I myself don't have the patience or the will to count how many times the word "poor" has been used. That would take up too much time! But it would be interesting to know!  
  
Sake - I won't chain Legolas to a rock. Too much like what happened to poor Maedhros on Thangorodrim. Revenge, revenge! You guys all want revenge! We shall see! G  
  
() You seem to be like-minded with me. When I started this it really was going to be short! I swear by the stars! But then I thought that it really wasn't fair to have Legolas be the only one tormented, and thus I thought that they all should have something that embarrasses them. So the frights of the Fellowship came to mind! No one is safe!! (wicked laugh)  
  
jenjen - Revenge! On Gimli! My goodness!! You all certainly seem to want the Dwarf to get it good! ;) Never fear. All in good time!  
  
Goggled Monkey - Nah, this one isn't finished yet, though it is longer than I envisioned it---Er, that sounds sooooo familiar! Never fear. Things will all work out! Glad you like "Bubbles"! G  
  
Magma - As you see, I loved your suggestion! When I read your review I had to laugh! It was perfect as I was not certain where I wanted to go next! Suggestions are always welcome. This story is a plot bunny given to me by Kerttu another reviewer! You see how well that has worked out! Thank you so much!!! This chapter is yours!!  
  
() I think we all have experience at being cheeky. We can't help ourselves. I am glad you like my stories!! ( 


	6. Chapter 6 Good Memories

Chapter 6 - Good Memories  
  
Aragorn drew a deep breath and renewed his hold on Legolas, who was muttering under his breath in Sindarin. This day, which should have been peaceful and restful for them all after such an arduous trek from Rivendell was anything but. Only Bill the pony and Gandalf seemed unaffected. He knew what Boromir had tried to do and was grateful to him for the attempt, unsuccessful as it had been. The Ranger had nearly burst out laughing when Gimli asked the "Man of Gondor" what he saw, for Aragorn could well imagine what he saw.  
  
"Bubbles," he murmured quietly, a smile on his lips. He felt Legolas turn to look at him, but he refused to meet the Elf's gaze. "You were quite something, nin mellon {my friend}. You have had even more - adventures - than I have."  
  
"Adventures?!" Legolas snapped, his dark brows knitting in consternation. "Is that how you see this?"  
  
"Well, yes. Perhaps that is the best way to see it."  
  
Legolas sneered at him, only to turn and glare at the Dwarf who was still chuckling.  
  
"Singing Orc Princess," Gimli snorted. "I guess if we are attacked by Orcs we merely have to get Legolas to sing to them. They will all fall on their knees in adoration and surrender."  
  
Legolas tensed once more, white teeth bared in a feral snarl. The Dwarf did not realize the great peril he was in!  
  
"Just give me one minute with him, Aragorn. One minute! That is all I ask."  
  
"Nay, my friend. I think not. Gloin would be quite heartbroken to learn that his son was killed by the-er-" The Ranger could no longer contain his mirth, and laughed delightedly. "By the fair Elven maiden!"  
  
"Aragorn!" Legolas hissed, his head swinging around to look at the man in disbelief.  
  
The man shrugged and cleared his throat, but couldn't control the grin on his face.  
  
"Or the Singing Orc Princess," Boromir added with a matching grin.  
  
Legolas grimaced and stared at the ground, his mouth twisted in anger and dismay.  
  
"Who knows? Gimli might enjoy it," Merry said with a chuckle. "Maybe he will start flexing his muscles like Dori!"  
  
"Or write love songs like Gloin!" Pippin exclaimed with a smile.  
  
"The Orcs seemed to love it!" Merry quipped.  
  
Sam shook his head and sighed. The gardener stood and moved to check on Bill. "Well Bill, what do you think of all this?"  
  
  
  
The pony snorted, bobbing and shaking his head as if to say: "They are all mad. I am quite glad that I am just a pony!"  
  
Aragorn looked over at Boromir, eyes shining.  
  
"I tried to help," the man from Gondor said with a shrug and a chuckle of his own. "How was I to know? Faramir will be quite pleased with these findings I think," he finished slowly as Legolas glared at him again, eyes like blue ice. "Never mind," he choked, trying not to burst into uncontrollable snickers as his grey eyes moved to Aragorn once more.  
  
Isildur's heir twisted slightly on the rock, trying to work the kink out of his back, his smile vanishing. Perhaps he could succeed where Boromir had failed. Then slowly he turned to look at his companions.  
  
"I have a warning that I fear I must give you all," he said suddenly in a low ominous voice.  
  
They all gazed up at him, surprised by the change in mood.  
  
"What is it, Aragorn?" Frodo asked, a feeling of foreboding passing through him. What evil did the Ranger feel now? What did he feel he needed to warn them about?  
  
Sam had come to sit by his side once more, and lay a comforting hand on his master's shoulder. When Frodo turned to look at him, he smiled and murmured, "Everything will be fine, Mister Frodo. Don't worry."  
  
  
  
Frodo smiled at him, laying his own hand over Sam's.  
  
"I know, Sam. As long as you are with me."  
  
"Is something wrong, Aragorn?" Gimli asked, his eyes scanning the area about them. "Did you hear something?"  
  
"No. It is not what you are fearing, but something else equally dangerous," the Man continued, his face solemn, eyes dark beneath lowered brows. His gaze passed over each of them, coming to rest at last on the Elf at his side. The blue eyes met the Man's own, filled with the same apprehension as the rest.  
  
"Beware," he began in a sinister voice. "Of Elves bearing birthday gifts."  
  
There was a moment of tense silence as the words sank in. Legolas frowned, tilted his head to one side and frowned at Aragorn in puzzlement.  
  
"What is that supposed to mean, Aragorn?" Gimli asked shaking his head.  
  
"Just that certain birthday gifts from certain Elves in a place called Mirkwood can be quite -er - frightening," he grinned, easing slightly sideways away from the certain Elf from Mirkwood.  
  
"You weren't even born then, Aragorn," Legolas said with an exasperated sigh, as he recalled what the Ranger must be speaking of.  
  
The Hobbits glanced at one another and shrugged. They had no idea what was going on now.  
  
"No," Aragorn continued with a smile. "But Elladan and Elrohir, not to mention Arwen and Elrond himself have mentioned it many times. But the strangest thing is when Glorfindel speaks of it. It made me quite frightened to say the least whenever Elrond's birthday gift arrived from your Father. "Did Prince Legolas choose this one?" was always the first question asked to the ones bringing it." The Ranger laughed, and amazingly Legolas smiled at him.  
  
"That was rather fun," he said with a happy light in his eyes. "A good . . . adventure."  
  
~Yes, ~ Aragorn thought with mild satisfaction. ~This is the Elf I know. ~  
  
"You, Tavor, and Brethil really knew how to have fun. You even managed to get Tanglinna involved. That was a feat indeed," the Ranger continued quietly, noting the touch of melancholy in the Elf's eyes at the mention of his friends. "They are good memories, Legolas. All of them."  
  
Legolas lowered his head slightly, and then he slowly nodded.  
  
"Yes, Aragorn. They are good memories." He looked up at his friend, tears shining in his eyes, a smile on his lips. "All of them."  
  
"Um, should I ask?" Boromir said, somewhat surprised by how much less tense Legolas was now. He had no idea what this story was, but some how it seemed to have miraculously calmed the Prince of Mirkwood . . . at least for now.  
  
"Some other time, my good Boromir. Some other time. Though that was quite un - . . .er . . .forgettable, shall we say."  
  
The sudden movement startled them and they all turned to see Gandalf sitting up, pushing his large hat back on his head. His bushy brows furrowed as he looked over at them.  
  
"What is this?" he asked. "Aragorn, why are you and Boromir holding Prince Legolas like that?"  
  
The son of Denethor and Isildur's heir looked across the Elf at one another, suddenly realizing how they must look: their hands grasping Legolas' biceps, legs wrapped about his.  
  
"Um, well," Aragorn began, feeling his cheeks flame now; quickly he released the slim thigh. "It was like this . . . you see . . ."  
  
Boromir quickly did the same, though he noted that the Ranger had not released the Elf's arm, so he didn't either.  
  
The Wizard stood slowly and stretched.  
  
"My goodness, what have I missed? You are all being very quiet. And any time that Peregrin Took is silent something must be amiss," he remarked with a grin. The youngest Hobbit was sitting very quietly, his brows knit. Gandalf grinned and turned to the Men. "Don't you think you should let Legolas go, Aragorn? Boromir? Completely?"  
  
Boromir grimaced slightly and looked to the other Man. The Ranger looked at Legolas who was gazing inward, the smile still on his lips.  
  
"Is it safe, Legolas?" he finally asked, with a hopeful tone in his voice. "You will not try to kill Gimli now, will you?"  
  
"Gimli? I don't understand." Gandalf's eyes suddenly widened and he grinned. "You told him, Gimli?"  
  
"Told him what?" The Dwarf asked suspiciously. The glint in the Wizard's eye gave him a moment's pause. Surely the Wizard did not know that! How could he? But he had visited the Lonely Mountain many times, and he was, well, he was a Wizard.  
  
"Ah!" The grey bearded Istari exclaimed, and moved to stand before Gimli. "May I?" He indicated the golden braid held in Gimli's hand.  
  
Gimli frowned and handed it to him. His eyes peered into the Wizard's, trying to discern what lay there.  
  
Gandalf held the braid up, watching the way the sun glinted on the golden strands.  
  
"I wish I had been there," he said with a chuckle. "Perhaps I could have saved you this at least." He smiled at Legolas, and handed the braid back to Gimli. "So, you are now the Keeper of the Braid? It was your father's most prized possession for all those years after the Grand Adventure."  
  
"My father didn't see any need to keep it when he found out the truth," Gimli said gruffly, tucking the braid into his tunic.  
  
"Yes, yes, well . . . " Gandalf turned to smile at Legolas. "Is that why you are rather upset, my dear Elf prince? Gimli told you his secret, did he?"  
  
"He was telling us all about it, Gandalf," Merry grinned; arms folded over his chest once more. He glanced at Pippin, who still seemed lost in thought, withonly his lips moving on occasion.  
  
"I am quite amazed really," Gandalf murmured, shaking his head in wonder. "I would have thought he would be too embarrassed to tell anyone."  
  
"Why would Gimli be embarrassed by what Bubbles . . . erm.well, by what happened in Mirkwood so long ago?" Boromir asked, his face reddening, though he grinned as Aragorn choked back a laugh.  
  
"Bubbles?" The tall Istari raised one eyebrow. "Bubbles?"  
  
"It's a long story," Aragorn said with a grin.  
  
Legolas sighed and rolled his eyes, suddenly finding it rather amusing after all.  
  
"Very long," he said quietly.  
  
"I see," Gandalf said with a smile. "Amlug o i Angol Osp Echor, the Dragon of the Magic Smoke Rings, eh? Ah, yes! I remember that! Quite a clever little thing really! Though it made bubbles, not smoke rings . . . Ah, yes. Bubbles! Very clever, Boromir. Very, cute."  
  
Legolas grinned at the Man, who was looking quite pleased with himself.  
  
"You are very clever and cute, Boromir," he said with a wink.  
  
Boromir blinked rapidly and turned away, clearing his throat.  
  
"Never mind," he muttered, feeling his face reddening. Bubbles indeed. What had he been thinking?  
  
"I remember that Bilbo took that pipe to the Shire when he went home," Gandalf said grinning at the Hobbits. "And Gloin had the braid. Some very fine souvenirs of Mirkwood they had." He turned once more to Gimli, a smile creasing his lips. "So you really told him?" The Istari shook his head. "I am very surprised at you Gimli, son of Gloin. To think," he began slowly waiting for the Dwarf to catch on, "you told him you were -"  
  
"Nooooo!" Gimli started to his feet, his first suspicion being borne out. "No, Gandalf! That is not what the Elf was told!" Now it was Gimli's face that burned red, and he would no longer meet Legolas' eyes. "It was not that!"  
  
"Not what, Gimli?" Aragorn asked, wondering how the tables had turned so quickly. He could feel Legolas leaning forward slightly in anticipation of whatever it was that Gandalf was about to say.  
  
Boromir felt puzzled once more. Truly he had learned more about his companions in this one day than he would have thought possible. He noted the Dwarf's obvious embarrassment, and the Wizard's amusement. His brows furrowed in thought. Suddenly a slow grin spread over his handsome face.  
  
"Gimli," he said, cocking his head to one side. "Your father saw a fair Elven Maiden, the Orcs saw the Singing Orc Princess, I saw . . . well, never mind what I saw," he glanced apologetically at the Elf who turned to him and raised one brow. Surprisingly Legolas mouthed "Bubbles" at him, his fair face alight with mirth. Then to Boromir's surprise the Elf stuck his tongue out and winked. Boromir flushed slightly then turned to the Dwarf once more. "What did YOU see, Gimli?"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Author's Note - Sorry for the delay, I had a major case of Writers' Block. Is this a cliffhanger?? Haha! Too bad! ;) I think there will be one more chapter after this one! Hopefully it will not take me as long as this one did!  
  
Thanks to al my beta for blooding this chapter with red ink! You got a tongue and a wink for your efforts!  
  
Response to Reviewers  
  
shirebound - I am not on a pedestal as I would fall off on my face and be too embarrassed to ever get up again! Well, believe it or not I think I know how to resolve it and keep them relatively coherent. I hope! ;)  
  
Irena - Bloodshed?? Well, I hadn't planned on spilling any blood in this fic! Sorry to all you people that want blood with the revenge! :0  
  
gershwin - I would be rich! Oh, well, I am not so I guess that copyright thing didn't work! Poor TreeHugger!  
  
Bronwyn - Boromir is somewhat obsessed with "Bubbles"! ;) Again with revenge! You guys are a bloodthirsty lot! It is coming, never fear! Poor, poor Gimli! (said sarcastically, so c. JastaElf)  
  
lims - Retaliation! Is that all you guys can think of??!! LOL You guys keep me laughing with these reviews! That is a very, very good thing.  
  
None - Sweet revenge! With sugar on top! You are sooooo wicked to enjoy everyone being so "evil" to quote you to the Elf! ;)  
  
angaloth - Boromir was just trying to help, though granted at that was one story he should NOT have told! Go polish away, Man of Gondor!  
  
JastaElf - Breaking bad on Gimli seems to be the major consensus! Poor, poor Gimli! (c. JastaElf as it was sarcastic!) Aragorn should indeed know better! So now you are scaring your customers!! LOL Wish I had been there! I could have explained it to them in 1,000 words or less! Bubbles and I love you, too!  
  
al - You are SOOOOOOO naughty! Your mind never ceases to amaze me! (bangs head to get the image al created out of her head!) You are scaring me and I am not easily scared!!! So, yes, some secrets should stay secret!  
  
Lisseyelen aka Lady V - Beautiful name! Glad that I can make you happy by torturing the Elf with out making him scream in angst. Your teacher is right. It is a good word! Keep up the good work yourself!  
  
Seaweed - You and your Gimli! LOL I can't believe you want them to fight - and you even admit that Gimli will loose! You are too funny!  
  
Laura - I am evil and you feel embarrassed?? Okay! LOL You want the Fellowship to meet Brethil and Tavor?? And Gwibess?? Well ---- One never knows what might happen!  
  
Jay of Lasgalen - You said it first?? But I copyrighted it first! ;) Are you going to write the story about Bilbo meeting a certain 10 - year- old human in Rivendell?? Sounds like a good plot bunny to me!  
  
Opal Elf - Thank you for complimenting my Elvish! I use a Sindarin dictionary; a book by Ruth S. Noel; and a word generator. There are lots of sources online for Elvish!  
  
Skye - You miss Gwibess?? You miss a "spider"??!! Well that has got to be a first! Though I admit that makes me very happy! I will probably use her again in another story. She is a lot of fun!  
  
PuterPatty - I'll bet you soooooo want to be Boromir! (snicker) Well, as to the rest of your review -ERK! I know I made this choking sound when I read it! Or was it a shriek? Where is your mind??!! First let's not even go to the Singing Orc Princess being the reason Elu sang!! Yikes is right!! And you've been thinking about WHAT for about a month now!! (TreeHugger stares at the screen in shock!)---------Okay-------------I think I have calmed myself sufficiently now. Will there be any more Elu stories? Yes, there will. I am certain of that! He has been ignored for quite some time now!  
  
anonymous - I will!  
  
Nadra - You stole Gwibess' robe! That was really rude even for a Ring wraith! AND you kidnapped her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now you had better be the one running in fear because the gang is coming after you now! With powerful Elves carrying beacons of light and bright swords! You'll never get the Elf! And we will get the spider back - unharmed! Consider yourself warned!!  
  
Sake - Cecil will be glad to hurt Gimli for Legolas? That is so sweet! Give Cecil some of the good cookies! Who is Figwit?? Nirnaeth wasn't, so explain this one to me. Please! ;)  
  
Almarea-and-Alasse - You read all of "In the Hall of the Wood Elf King" in one afternoon??!! Wow! I am amazed! Hope your sibs are okay and survived your fit of funniness! These fanfics do feel like they are on acid - or pipeweed - at times! G Maybe someday we will all have bubble pipes like Legolas'.  
  
Lady M - Do you think Boromir can handle the whole picture? Hahahahahaha!  
  
Nancing Elf - You and PuterPatty need to go and kick Boromir and Aragorn out of there and take their places! You two are just sooooo bad! G Though I don't know if Legolas would survive the two of you! LOL Of course they will take Legolas serious! How could they not?? Good luck on getting "in there" to hug the Elf! And the clueless Boromir! (snicker)  
  
phoenixfeather - Copyrighting "breathe in, breathe out"?? Sure! Breathe in, breathe out (c. TreeHugger) Takes care of that one!  
  
annakas - Yes, there is no help for the Elf! Again with revenge! ;)  
  
() - I will try not to make you wait too long!  
  
wellduh. - Pippin does bear a certain resemblance to Brethil, doesn't he! Can't keep his mouth shut!  
  
Vanyaer - You died! Oh, no! But I will continue on anyway - in your memory!  
  
Kristen - Updation is a very good thing! Cool word, too!  
  
The Sadistic Cow - Payback and humiliation! My goodness you are all evil! Gotta love it! Gimli will be sorry, don't worry!  
  
Lakergurl13 - Yes, Boromir was trying to help. He is a very nice man, really! But alas! It did not work! It only made it worse! Everyone is laughing except Poor Legolas (c. TreeHugger). What does Gandalf know??!! ;)  
  
Anonymous - I think I would be snickering with you. I couldn't not laugh if I were listening to all this stuff about someone else! So write! Write! I will read it and so will others! You know you want to do it! I know that it cannot be the "Worst Nightmare Formula"! Give it a go! (  
  
Kerttu - Glad you like this wonderful plot bunny of yours! I think when it is over I will need some of your strong Vandal Root tea from the silver teapot that has an intricate engraved leaf pattern!  
  
ccg - You are correct! We all are embarrassed by having silly things we have done in the past brought to light once more. There are flaming red faces all around! Merry is done. But the rest are waiting for the revenge of Legolas the Sparkly Green Singing Orc Princess and Tamer of Wild Spiders! Whew! What a mouthful!  
  
Pasta-Head - Thanks for the cookie! I love them! Boromir is tripping over Bubbles, isn't he! Did you notice that he didn't smoke in the movie? Makes you wonder, doesn't it! ;)  
  
ola - I am not finished with this quite yet, though it will NOT be as long as "In the Hall..." I promise!  
  
Tamsin FlameArrow - Um, thank you for the renewed picture of a blonde haired, blue eyed Orc. I really had trouble writing that, though it was necessary! Ew, ew, ew - Yuk! is soooooo right! A whole basket of cookies! WooHoo! (c. Celeborn) Just for that I will write more!  
  
Princess of sMirkwood - Mrs ArWe - Legolassed! Another new word! I love it! Legolassed (c. Princess of sMirkwood)! ;)  
  
Katharine the Great's Agent or Katharine the Great herself - Good! You are in the land of the living! You can't die yet since you have not completed "The Weeping Wraith"! Though your other "Tales" are excellent too! You are quite amazing! So don't die! G  
  
wazzup - I am glad you think this is cool!  
  
Aria and Company of Muses - I see! There are a lot of things not discussed yet, aren't there! So you don't agree with Boromir about Bubbles - er - then why were you cracking up there, nin mellon??!! ;) Good thing N-Saturn was there to drag you away! LOL  
  
weirdo - Lego-boy? Good name for him! LOL I am glad you are finding his misadventures amusing. There is more to come!  
  
Ithilien - Don't worry! The question of the hour does have an answer, one I have known since I started this fic. Let me just say Gimli should have kept his mouth shut from the start! Table turning is a lot of fun! Legolas isn't going to die. I haven't even heard of humans dying of embarrassment, though sometimes that would be a comfort. ;) 


	7. Chapter 7 Sing aSong of Elf Maids

Author's Note: This really IS the last chapter. I can do it you see! First I need to address some questions that were raised in the former chapter. No, Legolas is NOT flirting with Boromir. He is merely teasing the Man from Gondor. Turn about is fair play after all! I think that Boromir deserves to be teased after all! Also, for those of you who were wondering at the tears in Legolas' eyes when his friends were mentioned, yes, there is a reason. In my Orc stories(which are currently being "brought into line" with my more recent stuff) during Gollum's rescue/escape from Mirkwood, which of course took place many years after "In the Hall of the Wood Elf King", Tanglinna and Brethil were two of the guards that were killed. So memories of them still hold much sorrow for Legolas. But they are good memories . . . all of them. Thank you all so much for the wonderful reviews of this story! They really brighten the day! Thanks for all the emails as well! And thank you to the silent readers! AND thank you to everyone that put me on his or her favorites list! Wow! I love you all! Bright days and fair starlight to you all!  
  
Thank you to Kerttu! Your plot bunny was great fun! Thank you Magma, for the Legend of the Singing Orc Princess. Orcs do have legends after all! (Now why didn't I know that!? I will have to have a talk with "my" Orc!) Thank you to Shini-hime for Pippin's song at the end of this chapter! It worked perfectly! Thanks to al my beta! Commas and participles and all! (this is the way it is spelled in my dictionary too!)  
  
  
  
Chapter 7 - Sing a Song of Elf-Maids  
  
Gimli growled slightly.  
  
"What did I see? What did I see?! I don't know what you mean!"  
  
"It started much longer ago than that, Boromir," Gandalf said smoothly, moving to his pack. "Legolas, do you mind?" he asked, taking out his pipe once more.  
  
Legolas opened his mouth to protest, but slowly he shook his head as a vision of himself sitting on the floor puffing away on Bilbo's pipe and collapsing into ridiculous giggles filled his mind.  
  
"Nay, I don't." He turned to look at the others and raised his brows daring them to say anything. "But do you mind if I do not?"  
  
Frodo and Sam smiled at him, and he smiled back.  
  
"Longer ago than that?" The man of Gondor said, with a grin at the Dwarf. "When did it start then?"  
  
"What are you talking about?" Aragorn finally asked. He wasn't pleased that Boromir had figured out something that he had not.  
  
"Nothing!" Gimli muttered. "Nothing at all!" He moved quickly to his pack, pulling out his pipe and some leaf.  
  
Merry watched as the Dwarf packed the leaves into the bowl of the pipe, muttering and growling to himself the entire time.  
  
Gandalf blew a smoke ring into the air, and settled down by Pippin.  
  
"Oh, it was quite a long while ago," the Wizard began, his eyes on Gimli who was puffing madly on his pipe.  
  
The Dwarf's eyes narrowed as he glared at the Elf. Legolas merely arched one eyebrow.  
  
"Legolas," the Istari continued, "do you remember when I came to visit you father and brought you that beautiful little box filled with hair ribbons?"  
  
Legolas brows knit, but then he nodded. He did indeed recall the rather crudely carved box adorned with flowers and leaves painted in bright colors.  
  
"Yes," he answered. "I do remember. You said it was a gift from . . ." His eyes widened, and his brows arched sharply.  
  
Gloin's son muttered something in his native tongue, his cheeks a brilliant crimson.  
  
"That was a long time ago, Gandalf," the Dwarf huffed, avoiding the Elf's shining blue eyes. "Why bring up the past?"  
  
"Why indeed, Gimli," Gandalf said quietly, his eyes twinkling. "It was not as long ago as the 'Dread Pipeweed Incident'."  
  
" 'Dread Pipeweed Incident'?" Boromir frowned. "I thought it was a Bubble Pipe."  
  
Legolas heaved a sigh, and shook his head.  
  
"They are good memories," he repeated quietly. "All of them."  
  
He closed his eyes and drew a deep breath. He thought of Tanglinna the Master Archer of Mirkwood and the way he looked when he had handed Legolas the floral wreath for his hair during the Autumn Feast; the way he had smirked over the pink tunic Thranduil had made his youngest son wear to fetch the Dwarves. "I believe the Dwarves will see us coming many a mile off," he had said. Legolas smiled at the sentiment. What had the Dwarves seen then? The Fair Elven Maiden. He remembered the older Elf polishing gems with them in the Gem Room, their punishment for the many things that had happened during and after the 'Dread Pipeweed Incident'. They were good memories.  
  
He called up the faces of his two best friends, Tavor and Brethil. The three had been called the Tricksy Trio then, with good reason. He remembered the two of them laughing at him when the Dwarves thought he was an Orc singing.  
  
~Singing Orc Princess indeed, ~ he thought wryly, still finding it hard to believe that particular tale had become a legend.  
  
He recalled the look on Tavor's face when he had told him that Brethil had pushed him into Morn Nen, and the way he spoke of Mandos Halls when they were into trouble up to their ears; calling King Thranduil immature and a spoiled child when the king had been standing behind him the entire time; the two of them trying to push Gwibess out of the window, the large spider's legs waving about as Thranduil stood glaring at them.  
  
And Brethil . . . He smiled sadly. Brethil . . . Brethil wanting to feed the Dwarves because he felt sorry for them; trying to comfort Legolas after he had cut off his Warrior Braid and given it to Gloin; all the times he told everyone everything that he knew . . .Brethilitis. . .  
  
A slow smile crossed the prince's lips. His companions had all seemed very concerned when they had heard of that malady. He raised his eyes to Gandalf who smiled back at him and nodded as if sensing his thoughts.  
  
"For you, Brethil," he murmured to himself. "And Tanglinna."  
  
The Prince of Mirkwood drew a deep breath. No one could out do Brethil when it came to Brethilitis, but he was going to give it his best try. A rather desperate look suddenly appeared in his blue eyes as he looked helplessly at Aragorn, then Boromir.  
  
"It wasn't my fault," he began, his gaze wandering quickly over them all.  
  
They all turned to look at him, and he fought to keep a smile from his lips.  
  
"Truly, it wasn't my fault. If Bilbo and those Dwarves had never come to Mirkwood none of it would have happened. I know that Gandalf told them to stay on the path, but they didn't listen to him. We were having the Autumn Feasts and they had to rush into the middle of it all and look what happened! Tavor and Brethil tried to pretend they were the Dwarves, but then the real Dwarves showed up. Father was so angry! You know how much he hates Dwarves. Something about the necklace we didn't drop into Morn Nen! Jewelry! Ai, Valar! Do you know how many days we had to polish gems because of what the spiders did?! Gwibess loved those sparkly things, even father's robes! The pink tunic! That is what started it all! That horrid pink tunic, though Gwibess looked rather nice in it. I begged him not to make me wear it, but he made me anyway! The Dwarves thought I was pretty in pink! Can you believe that?! Gloin thought I was a princess because of that tunic. Then Balin said that I was as fair as a rose in May. Right in front of my father! It wasn't your father that said it first Gimli. It was Balin. Then Gwibess got into father's robes- "  
  
Boromir was staring at him in distress. What was happening? He didn't think Legolas had said that many words during the entire time he had known him. Aragorn was looking rather ill at ease as well; the Ranger scowled not knowing if he should run for his herbs or run away. He had never seen Legolas like this.  
  
" - then Bilbo had taken my Bubble Pipe! But he gave me his to smoke, and Great Valar!" He shook his head. "Look what happened then!" He grabbed his left Warrior Braid in slim fingers. "Sliced it right off! And I did give it to Gloin! I couldn't even remember afterwards, though I saw it well enough the next day! And Father's face! What the spiders did to him was something! We were in so much trouble -"  
  
Gandalf grinned, watching as the others stared at their companion in disbelief as he continued on and on. It was a performance worthy of Brethil. Even Gimli was sitting with his mouth hanging open, his pipe forgotten, as the rush of words spilled from the Elf Prince's lips.  
  
"When the spiders got into the Gem Room and took some of father's jewels . . .you know how much he loves his jewels, don't you Aragorn?" He looked at the man on his right. The Ranger merely stared at him in amazement.  
  
In a matter of moments the entire story of what had happened back so long ago was out, and they all knew more than they had before. Legolas was laughing merrily inside at the looks of shock on the others' faces. He had glanced from one Hobbit to the next while speaking of his time with Bilbo. He had then concentrated all his attention on Boromir when he spoke of the singing Orcs in the woods and Celeb Baud. He stared at Aragorn as he told of his father and himself falling into Morn Nen and forgetting everything that had happened. The Ranger colored slightly at this, but said nothing. He looked last at Gimli, and a slight smile did escape him then.  
  
"Then years after all that happened Gandalf brought me this box. Such a sweet little box filled with colorful hair ribbons."  
  
Gimli started and sat up straight, his eyes pleading with Legolas. Little did he know that once a bad case of Brethilitis got started, it was very hard to stop - especially when one didn't wish to stop it.  
  
"He said that it was sent to me by one who had fallen in love with the tale of the Warrior Princess of Mirkwood. Gandalf told me of the young Dwarf, not yet old enough to have a beard, that had pledged his heart with undying love to me. Isn't that just so sweet!"  
  
Gimli sputtered and stood.  
  
"No!" he protested, drawing the attention to himself. "I didn't know then that he was not a princess. Father told me he was. He told me all about the fair Warrior Princess of the Elves. He spoke of her long golden hair that smelled like flowers! Of her blue eyes that rivaled the summer sky! Her skin so fair and soft, the lips like rose petals. How was I to know that it was not a princess but a prince! I made that box with my own hands! I wanted to give her something to show my regard for her! I worked on it for a very long time! I was very proud of that box. I even bought the ribbons myself, me, just a little Dwarf lad! Buying the ribbons to adorn the hair of the Warrior Princess of the Elves! How was I to know that 'she' was a Prince? I didn't know until we arrived in Rivendell for the Council! Confound you cursed Elves!"  
  
Silence fell over the company; the only sound was that of Bill the pony who was making an odd noise, almost as though he were laughing.  
  
Then someone did laugh. Legolas' merry laughter filled the air of the hollow as he stared at Gimli. Then Gandalf's deeper chuckles joined his. Soon they were all laughing, except for the Dwarf. He stared at them, arms folded over his chest.  
  
"Breathe in, breathe out, Gimli," Gandalf said with delight.  
  
"I do not see what you find so funny," Gimli said gruffly, feeling highly annoyed at them. He had bared his soul to them and all they could do was laugh.  
  
"Do you not, Gimli?" Gandalf asked, knocking the ashes out of his pipe into the fire. "You just had a very minor case of Brethilitis. It is contagious as I said earlier. I see that Elves are not the only ones affected with it."  
  
"What are you talking about?" the Dwarf growled staring first at the Wizard and then the Hobbits.  
  
"So that is Brethilitis," Aragorn said, releasing Legolas' arm and leaning back. "I might have guessed. Though Brethil did seem to get it worse than anyone I have ever met. I didn't realize what it was when Gandalf mentioned it earlier."  
  
Boromir released the Elf's other arm.  
  
"I did not mean to tease you, Legolas," the Man of Gondor said.  
  
Legolas turned to look at him, his eyes still bright with mirth. He nodded and grinned.  
  
Boromir grinned back.  
  
"May I still call you Bubbles?" he asked, his own eyes shining with laughter.  
  
Legolas raised one brow and shot a look at him that he had learned from his father.  
  
Boromir gulped slightly.  
  
"Never mind," he murmured, and looked away.  
  
"Well," Gandalf sighed. "I am glad that is over."  
  
Legolas glanced at him, and then suddenly he was up and had moved to stand in front of the Dwarf before any of the others were aware of it.  
  
Gimli stared up at him, suddenly wondering if Legolas was going to kill him. But the Elf merely bowed gracefully to him.  
  
"The box was a wonderful gift. The ribbons were very beautiful . . .though I didn't wear them. Thank you for the gift, Gimli Son of Gloin."  
  
The Dwarf gaped up at him not knowing what to say. At last he bowed back.  
  
"You were quite welcome. . . Prince Legolas."  
  
"I . . .I would be honored to be your friend," Legolas said sincerely.  
  
Gimli frowned, but saw that this was not some Elvish trick or ruse to embarrass him again.  
  
"And I would be honored to be yours," he said, holding out one gloved hand.  
  
Legolas took it and nodded.  
  
The two smiled at one another, then Legolas turned and moved to pat Bill the pony on the head.  
  
"At least you know when to keep quiet," he whispered into one furry ear.  
  
The rest of the morning was spent in companionable conversation, the Hobbits surrounding Legolas to get 'his' version of the story. He gladly obliged them. Gimli listened as well, learning things about the Elf that he would never have guessed. He found he rather liked this 'cursed Elf'.  
  
Later as everyone was resting, Aragorn moved to stand beside Legolas, who was singing quietly as he sat perched on a rock nearby.  
  
"Um, Legolas?"  
  
"Yes, Aragorn?"  
  
"You, um, you weren't really going to tell them about . . ."  
  
Legolas smiled.  
  
"You mean when you . . . ?"  
  
"Yes. I have never told anyone about that. Not even Arwen."  
  
Legolas raised one dark brow.  
  
"I would think that Arwen would be the last one you would tell," he said.  
  
Aragorn smiled in relief.  
  
"That is true," he murmured.  
  
"But," Legolas continued, "what makes you think that I have not already told her?" he queried with a grin.  
  
Aragorn scowled deeply, his cheeks flushing.  
  
"You didn't! Did you?"  
  
Legolas laughed lightly and slid from the rock.  
  
"Don't you 'remember' if I did?" he quipped, then moved away from the Man, his voice raised in a tranquil song once more.  
  
Aragorn stared after him.  
  
"He wouldn't have told her . . .surely he wouldn't have told her. . . It was his fault anyway. . . I would never have done that if . . ." He shook his head. "Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out."  
  
Legolas leapt lightly onto a rock and looked into the distance. He smiled at the cold, clear sky.  
  
"They are good memories," he said quietly. "All of them."  
  
Suddenly Pippin's young voice filled the air.  
  
"I have thought of a song for you, Legolas," he called.  
  
The Elf turned to regard him with surprise.  
  
"Is that why you have been so quiet?" Merry asked him, looking over at his cousin.  
  
Pippin nodded, smiling up at Legolas.  
  
He began to sing in a clear voice; the tune was that of a favorite child's song.  
  
"Sing a song of Elf-maids Dressed up in sparkly green. Given draughts of pipeweed By the one unseen. When the Dwarf-lord saw her They both began to sing. Wasn't that a silly way To act before the King?"  
  
Everyone stared at him in amazement.  
  
"That was a very nice song, Peregrin Took," Gandalf commented, smiling kindly at the Hobbit, who blushed happily and stared at his toes.  
  
Legolas jumped lightly to the ground, and smiled down at him.  
  
"Thank you, Pippin. It was a very nice song. I shall have to remember it and sing it to my father one day."  
  
Pippin's cheeks reddened even more.  
  
"Would you really do that?" he asked, staring up at the tall Elf.  
  
"Of course. I think he would enjoy it immensely."  
  
Merry smiled down at his cousin and ruffled his hair.  
  
"That was very good, Pip. I didn't know you could compose songs."  
  
"You, Bilbo, and Sam will have to make up a song book soon. The Songs of the Three Hobbits," Frodo said, moving to dig into one of the packs. "I think that song deserves an apple." He tossed it to the youngest Hobbit, who caught it and smiled.  
  
"If I had known you would have fed me more, I would have sung a song earlier," he said with a grin. "Perhaps now I shall compose one for Merry. Something about Merry and his Magic Cape."  
  
"Pippin!" Merry squawked, staring at him, his cheeks flushing.  
  
"Oh well," Pippin said with a grin at Boromir, "never mind."  
  
  
  
The End 


End file.
